


I Can See Right Through You

by trying



Category: Legacies (TV 2018)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Insomnia, Nightmares, Post 1x06, ummm - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-23
Updated: 2019-02-11
Packaged: 2019-09-25 09:59:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 21,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17119220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trying/pseuds/trying
Summary: “You don’t look well Josie. Are we going to talk about last night?”Her tone is demanding but she still says it softly and it gets under Josie’s skin.“It didn’t mean anything Penelope, it was just a kiss.”“No Josie, I’m talking about you getting buried alive by your birth mother, having to drain her and then you turning up to class without even taking a day off.”Post 1x06. I'm writing this to flex on my sister lol she has the top-rated fic for Posie (Wish You Didn't) and tbh I feel like a bit of friendly competition >:)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> As mentioned, I'm writing this to flex on my sister who writes Wish You Didn't. I haven't read her work because that would be too weird but it cracks me up to no end that she's the first result for Posie fics.
> 
> Even though I love her, I thought I'd see if I can write something to compete with hers. Why not I like to have fun ;)
> 
> So PLEASE kudos and leave a comment if you can, if you like it, if you think I should continue, if you have any ideas for me... etc!
> 
> Thanks for reading xx

Josie paces her room, shuffling her bare feet across the floorboards as quietly as she can. Lizzie is snoring gently in that way of hers. Little angel huffs her dad used to call them, and she really doesn’t want to wake her up but, god her mind will not quit.

100 miles an hour, racing and churning, She is shaky and her skin is itching like she can feel the dirt being littered on her body again.

And then it's weighing down, heaving and invasive. All over her, clawing at her hair, in her ears and her eyes and she can hear her mom’s voice mixing with the thick dirt. And she can’t breathe.

She presses a hand to her chest, trying to get the tension there to ease up while she gasps and paces.

But god, she can’t _breathe_.

“Josie? Jose, what are you doing?” Lizzie is at her side then and she sounds bleary from sleep but it could be because she can’t hear right through the dirt.

“Josie you need to breathe deep, okay? It’s the middle of the night and you’re here with me.” She murmurs, concerned through the blur. “Come on, get into bed with me.”

Lizzie leads her over and pushes her down gently, rubbing her back. She even tucks her quilt around her, making little shushing noises.

“You’re doing good Jose, everything is okay,” she whispers.

Josie feels herself coming around a bit. She can smell Lizzie’s shampoo and the soft touches on her back, not her own grave. She focuses on breathing as deep as her chest will let her.

“That’s it Josie. You’re really giving me a scare, huh?”

“I couldn’t sleep,” she huffs out.

“I’m not surprised after the night you’ve had- but it's over now.”

Josie wiggles herself down so she can get her head on the pillow. Her body still feels heavy but with the exhaustion overcoming her. Lizzie lies down too and Josie shuffles over so she can lean her head into her sister and breathe her in.

“I’m tired now,” she whispers so Lizzie won’t worry and fuss.

“I feel like we should talk to Dad about this.”

“No, please Liz. I’m fine, I just want to sleep and go back to normal in the morning,” she pleads, trying to keep the hysterical note out of her voice.

“Well, okay… I love you though Josie,” Lizzie says already yawning.

“I love you too.”

 

She’s not surprised to feel Penelope’s eyes on her when she gets to first period. She avoids them and takes her seat toward the back. Her eyes glaze over almost straight away, she’s just too wiped to focus on Professor Melvin ranting about the History of Spell-Casting.

She almost trips over herself trying to escape out when the bell rings, but Penelope is there faster. Hand on hip and the other one slamming down on her desk, trapping her in.

“You don’t look well Josie. Are we going to talk about last night?”

Her tone is demanding but she still says it softly and it gets under Josie’s skin.

“It didn’t mean anything Penelope, it was just a kiss.”

“No Josie, I’m talking about you getting buried alive by your birth mother, having to drain her and then you turning up to class without even taking a day off.”

If Josie didn’t know better, she would say Penelope sounds angry. But she does know better, its the way she sounds when she’s worried or when she’s panicked, like she’s annoyed someone got her to care enough to lose the smirk.

One time, when they were still together, Lizzie had to present a spell project to the whole class and they had been up the whole night before studying it together because Lizzie left it till the last minute again. When it came time for Lizzie to get up and perform it in front of everyone, she started blanking and so she had stepped in, secretly doing it from her seat. Except she must not have done it right because next thing she knew she was in the infirmary and Penelope was hunched over in the chair next to her bed, all serious and cold. As soon as she had started apologising, Penelope deflated and crawled onto the bed to give her a cuddle, telling her she wasn’t mad, could never really be mad at her Josie, just that she had been out cold for a day and she was so worried…

Josie frowns, thinks about shoving her out of the way and then hates herself for letting it cross her mind.

“I’m handling it just fine, thank you.”

“Really? because it doesn’t look like it.”

“Get out of the way Penelope,” Josie snips back. She knew she should have worn more under-eye concealer this morning.

Penelope heaves a sigh and sweeps her arm out sarcastically for Josie to get by.

She doesn’t hesitate to brush past her and flee the building for some fresh air.

  
By the evening, Josie is in study hall trying tire her brain out with elemental chemistry. With any luck, she’ll be so bored and exhausted that she’ll be able to fall right asleep without freaking out about drowning in dirt or kissing her ex. She’s not sure which one is doing her in more.

Lizzie comes out of nowhere and slides in next to her on the bench seat.

“Why the hell is everyone talking about you kissing the she-devil?!” Lizzie hisses under her breath but it still echoes in the hall disturbing the quiet.

Penelope told people? Great. Now everyone is going to think she’s not over her.

“How did you find out?”

“I heard it from Laura who heard it from Dean who heard it from Ashley,” Lizzie rattles of dismissively. “So it’s true? What the hell Josie? Did you really sixty-nine in the showers after? Because that's what James said.” She gets progressively louder as she rants.

“Well, James is vulgar and wrong. It was a mistake Liz.”

One of the teachers on duty glares at them and shushes for them to be quiet.

“Oh my god, why would you do that?! I swear Josie, I can’t handle you two getting back together, she’s such a bitch!” Lizzie says shrill, completely ignoring their warning.

“No one’s getting back together, and don’t call her that. She’s still a person,” Josie whispers defensively.

“See? This is what she does, she worms her way into you and takes you over. One kiss is all it takes.”

“Can we drop this please Lizzie? I can’t do this right now, I really need my bed.”

“Fine, but you’re watching two episodes of Mad Men with me first.”

 

Well after lights out, Josie still can’t find sleep. She does all the breathing techniques her dad taught Lizzie for staying calm, and it stops her from outright panicking. She still feels listless and hot and with too many blankets pressing down on her.

She doesn’t know why she’s _so sad_. That monster wasn’t even her real mom. Josie gets out of bed and feels the scratchy wood on her bare feet. She grabs a pillow and lays herself out on the floor. It’s cold and hard but somehow better than the bed, it makes her feel less heavy and more human. She doesn’t know how much time passes down there but eventually she falls asleep before light starts to peek through the curtains.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry you had to wait so long for an update! I don't know if my sister mentioned but we went away for the holidays and were very busy with family- though it was a lovely trip!
> 
> Hope you like this one. Again PLEASE comment & kudos!! Not just to get my sister lol but I lurv how supportive you all are and it really makes me want to keep going! 
> 
> Thanks all! xx

Josie manages to wake up before Lizzie the first night she sleeps on the floor. She makes it through her classes on a couple of hours rest and no one really notices that she’s even more reserved than usual. 

On the second morning, however, she wakes up to find Lizzie looking down at her. 

“What are you doing on the floor?” She questions as soon as Josie gets her eyes open. She sounds vaguely annoyed and it makes her even more embarrassed. 

“I must have fallen off the bed in the night,” Josie croaks sleepily. Since when did she get so good at lying to her twin?

“Uh huh. Well, breakfast is in 15 minutes.” Lizzie turns her back on her and flounces out, blonde curls bouncing after her. 

Josie can feel the lingering cold sweat of bad dreams clamming on her skin, damp like mud and it revolts her. Her back hurts from the wood but she supposes its worth it for the couple of hours of restless sleep.

It’s Friday and that means that they’ll likely be a party in the woods tonight, the only fun to be had on school grounds that her dad doesn’t know about. 

She decides right then lying on the floor that she’s going to go and take her stash of vodka with her- she could really do with letting loose. Lizzie, Hope and MG will go with her. It will be like old times.

When she gets to breakfast she quickly falls into the queue for the last of the bagels. She’s busy watching for eyes on her while she waits, wary of people talking about her and Penelope still. No one seems to care that she never showed to her own birthday party yet they won’t shut up about what’s going on between them. Go figure. 

Except she’s not exactly looking where she’s going as she dawdles in the line, and apparently neither is Raf because he smacks straight into her. 

His cereal goes flying, all down her front, ruining her uniform with sickly milk and cornflakes dripping off her. 

“Oh my god Josie, I am so sorry!” He practically yells in surprise, and his hands hover around her front like he wants to start smearing if off her.

Josie feels even more eyes on her at the outburst. “It’s fine, it’s fine honestly. I just think I need to change,” she tries to assure him though she can feel the milk seeping through her shirt. 

Raf is staring at her open-mouthed. “No, it’s my fault, I should have been watching where I was going.”

“Yes, you really should have,” Penelope appears from nowhere to reprimand. Even though her tone is biting, she’s still smirking while her eyes rake over a soggy Josie. 

Her stomach bottoms out at the sound of Penelope’s voice and she just wants to flee the room. She’s too tired for this and so embarrassed. Cheeks hot, Josie stares down at the ground.

“Well get some napkins Rafael! She’s not going to air dry!” Penelope orders and he snaps out of his guilty stupor and jumps to it, running into the kitchen. 

“Why is it that you always appear at the worst times, Penelope?” Josie sighs out defeatedly.

“Well that’s not entirely fair. I think my timing was pretty good when I was yanking you out of your grave.”

Josie just blinks back in response, she can’t afford to think about that right now. The situation is quickly becoming too overwhelming to her exhausted brain and she can feel herself on the verge of frustrated tears. She can hear people whispering and giggling their way. 

Penelope is eyeing her carefully but she doesn’t let her stand there looking stupid for long. She puts a hand on Josie and starts to lead her back towards the dooms, “Come on, you’re gonna need to shower and change all over again.”

Josie lets herself be lead for a bit, her mind lagging to catch up with the situation. She can feel Penelope’s warm hand firm on the middle of her back and it’s making her mind short circuit it’s so comforting. Is she allowed to feel that? 

They get halfway to the girl’s witches’ dorms when Josie feels the deja vu come over her. She can’t be alone with Penelope in the hallway, air static with everything unfinished between them. She won’t be able to bear it if they kiss again, this time while covered in cornflakes. The mental effort of having to convince herself she doesn’t like it would be impossible. 

She pulls away from Penelope.

“I don’t need your help. I can take care of myself from here,” Josie tries to sound firm but it comes out half whispery and not very believable. 

Penelope gives her one of her long looks and Josie knows she can see right through every inch of her. She’d always been able to do it- strip her down like that and see her clear as glass. Josie used to love it. She felt so understood where everyone else just saw Lizzie’s quiet twin, or else the principle’s daughter, or worst of all, nothing at all. 

The best part was, Josie always felt like she could really see Penelope, every part no else got to see. Like they were tuned into one another in a way she wasn’t even tuned into her own twin. 

Now it just makes her squirm. 

Penelope eventually throws her hands up in defeat and lets Josie create space between them. 

Josie forces herself to march on to her room and close the door on Penelope’s retreating figure even though it’s rude. Even though it’s sweet of Penelope, in her own way, to help her escape the dining hall. Even though she neglects to say thank-you again. 

She only lets her eyes sting with tears when the hot spray of the shower is there to wash them away. 

Miraculously, she doesn’t get in trouble for missing morning classes while she takes her time putting herself back together. It takes a while for her to realise that someone must have covered for her. She knows really who that someone is but she doesn’t want to believe it.

She almost can’t tell whether Penelope’s doing these things to purposefully get at her, or if she’s really just being nice in the way that she used to for her alone.

 

She spends most of the evening getting ready with Lizzie and Hope for their night out. She’d had to plead with Hope to bring her dinner up to their room when she came because she didn’t want to go into the dining hall just yet. 

She mustn’t be the only one in need of a night out because when they roll up to the bonfire in the woods, the party is in full swing. The wolf pack is as loud and rowdy as usual, kegging together. Some witches, more friendly with Penelope than her and Lizzie, have even started turning tipsy tricks, lights and fireworks. 

They get more drinks straight away and Josie drains her plastic cup as quick as she can, hoping for that bubbly, light feeling to come over her. Lizzie is laughing somewhere near, looking happy as MG tries to get her to dance- it makes Josie smile. 

Hope tries to rope her into the same thing, and she does for a bit, until her head starts to spin just a little too much. 

She breaks away from them, concentrating on not stumbling and looking stupid. She doesn’t usually feel alcohol like this but it must be the exhaustion and the lack of sleep messing with her head also.

She gets herself another ladle of punch at the drinks table and Rafael chooses then to mosey over to her. Josie had seen him throwing glances her way, it was only a matter of time before he made his move. 

“Hey Josie! I just wanted to say sorry again for running into you this morning. You disappeared quickly, all okay now?”

She gives him a sincere smile, Raf really was a nice guy. “Yeah, sorry I just wanted to get out of there and shower. Having a good night?” Josie’s glad her voice is actually fairly steady.

Until, right at that moment, she sees Penelope walking over. 

And she looks beautiful, as usual. Slinky black dress and red lips, she’s flanked by a couple of her witch friends. She’s intimidating, and she looks so good it's dangerous.

“Good. Hey, Josie, I was wondering if maybe you’d wanna go out with me some time? I just think you’re so nice and it would give me a chance to make up for ruining your outfit…” Raf babbles on. 

Josie locks eyes with Penelope over his shoulder. She knows what he’s saying is important but she can’t help it. She can’t tear her eyes away and can’t tell if Penelope can hear what he’s saying. 

She has the usual flirty look used to make her breath catch, but it‘s twisted with sour. Her head keeps swimming. 

“Uh, sure Raf. But what about Lizzie? Can we just talk about it later? I think I need some air.” Josie flashes him a smile, hopes it doesn’t seem too much like she’s blowing him off. 

“But we’re in the woods?”

She gives him a wobbly wave and turns away from the party to wander further into the towering pines around the clearing, focusing on measured breathes and keeping her footing straight. She feels the inescapable need to get away from it all this as soon as possible.

She lets her tipsy, sleep-deprived mind drag her forward, seeing nothing but trees looming over her. The sound of the party faxes behind her.

Her mind catches up and she realises what direction she’s headed in. 

Back towards her own grave. 

It kind of makes her want to laugh out loud it’s so stupid, but she hears footsteps behind her and knows she’s not alone. 

Dug up plots start to pass her by, unmarked gravestones and holes where an undead hand may have shot up from the filmy soil. She starts to slow her pace even though she knows it means the footsteps crunching under pine needles behind her will catch up. 

Eventually, she stops a bit past all the graves to sit on a fallen tree log. She could curl up right here and sleep her head feels so heavy. She downs the rest of the drink she carried instead. 

“Sorry Jojo. Couldn’t let you wander into the woods alone.”

Penelope sits down on the log beside her and she really does sound kind of sorry, like she knows this is seriously one of those times Josie needs a minute. Not the ‘Penelope Park interrupting to let her know she’s still there’ kind of minute, but a real alone minute. 

Josie sighs, buries her head in her hands and lets her hair fall around her so Penelope can’t see her face. 

“You want to taunt me some more?” She mumbles. 

Penelope makes a frustrated sound at that. “It’s not about taunting. It’s never been about that.” 

Josie doesn’t bother to fill the silence after that. 

“I’m worried about you,” Penelope tells her cautiously.

“You got me on the council. You kissed me.” She accuses. 

“Well, you’re welcome.”

Josie does scoff then. She takes her head out of her hands to look at Penelope and notices despite the sarcasm, big green eyes are soft on her. It makes her soften too in her drunken state. There's a long pause before she speaks again.

“I heard Raf asked you out,” Penelope doesn’t say it unkindly, but she doesn’t sound happy about it either. There's a hint of a scowl marring perfect red lips. 

“Why do you care all of a sudden?” Josie lets a little anger leek into her tone.

Penelope looks away, lips pursed. “I hate the way we left things.”

“Me too,” she confesses. “That fight was terrible.”

“And then after that you just-,” Penelope huffs and furrows her brow, doesn’t finish her sentence. 

“Just what?” Josie bites back, defensive.

Penelope pauses, gathering her words and then she’s placating. “It’s not the time Jo, you’re too drunk. Besides, look.”

She points to Lizzie rapidly approaching in the distance, marching over with MG trying to keep up beside her.

“What the hell Josette?! You just bailed!” She yells over, face like thunder even through all her pretty makeup. 

Josie lets out a soft groan that only Penelope hears. It makes the darker haired girl chuckle. 

“Of course you’re here with her! God that is so typical!” She directs her anger at Penelope then, “Stay away from my sister, she-devil!”

“Jesus christ, someone had to make sure she was okay, Saltzman.” Penelope has that angry twisted grin guaranteed to infuriate Lizzie. 

“Like you made sure she was okay after you ripped her heart out? I had to watch her cry her eyes out for weeks! And you have the audacity to come to me and make speeches accusing _me_ of bringing Josie down? Take a look in the mirror,” Lizzie spits, full of venom. 

“What speech?” Josie breaks through the haze in her mind in interrupt. 

“Oh didn’t she tell you? She charged into the gym when I was trying to unwind just to let me know I’m a shitty sister. She’s no good Josie.”

MG, who had been staring at the ground, eyebrows at his hairline, shuffles closer to Lizzie to put a soothing hand on her shoulder. 

“Lizzie, calm down.”

Josie winces. She may be drunk but she still knows that the completely wrong thing to say. MG has a lot to learn. 

“Don’t tell me to calm down! I’ve had enough! Don’t come crying to me when this all blows up in your face again Josie Saltzman- I warned you!” 

Penelope is openly sneering at Lizzie now, looking slightly disgusted at her messy display.

“MG and I need the room tonight Josette,” Lizzie throws in as a last furious stab before storming off back in the direction of the party, growling and stomping her feet.

MG gives them an apologetic shrug and then hurries to catch up the other twin. 

Josie blows her breath out hard. “What just happened?” Her voice is shaky- she’s shaky. She feels sick now and she’s foggy enough to not have to think too hard about the reality of all of this. 

“Your sister is a nightmare.”

“Don’t,” Josie pleads, slumping where she sits.

Penelope gives her a sad smile and it makes Josie’s chest ache. “Do you say the same thing when Lizzie says that behind my back too?” She half-jokes. 

“Course’,” Josie slurs honestly, exhaustion creeping in. 

“ _God_ , Jo you must really be tired. Come on, you can sleep in my bed tonight.” 

Josie feels her heart beat in her chest. “Thanks,” she whispers, and Penelope starts to lead them back to the dorms. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ahhhh writing this fic is really making me think out the Penelope / Josie / Lizzie dynamic and appreciate how GOOD and INTRICATE it is... tbh Julie sister snapped. 
> 
> Unless she rolls in K*sie because of the few of you that clearly have brain damage... i know whats going on over on ur tweeties or whatever. STOP NOW GUYS ...Anyway as long as the writers dont treat their dynamic with the same callousness Ch*ni was lumped with im happy. 
> 
> My sister and I have another sister (straight), who is actually her twin and we are all pretty close... their twinship and our sisterhood and the fact that 2 of us r gay really makes for interesting relationships irl and that's this chapters inspo :) 
> 
> Thanks for reading and all the kudos!! Leave a comment and let me know what you think xx

When Josie wakes up, she’s surrounded by Penelope. She can smell her on the feathery pillows, soft blankets that are layered on top of her, the dark hair tickling her face.

She can tell she’s slept for while- she doesn’t feel as tired as usual, albeit slightly hungover.

Penelope is facing away from her but their legs are tangled together and she can feel her, soft and warm beside her.

It makes Josie stiffen a little in panic.

They’d woken many times like this- shared beds a lot when they were still together even though it wasn’t allowed.

She knew Penelope’s room like the back of her hand. 

Penelope turns over to face her on the narrow bed, phone in hand like she’d been scrolling. The beds are only just big enough to fit two people and it means there is no way to escape green eyes locking onto her.

“I know you’re awake, Josie.”

She’s freaking out internally. Her jacket and shoes have been taken off but she’s pretty sure she’s still in the same dress from last night. The last thing she can remember getting back to the dorm building, not even making to it Penelope’s room.

God what did her hair look like?

Josie rubs her eyes so she doesn’t have to look directly at Penelope.

“What happened? Did we…? She croaks out.

“No! No way Jo, you were basically drunk. I would never,” Penelope assures her, sounding horrified at the idea.

“I was going to sleep on the couch, I was doing that but then you had a nightmare pretty quickly. Do you remember?”

Josie thinks back hard even though her head is pounding slightly. She thinks she remembers kicking off her shoes, snuggling under Penelope’s pretty quilt that she missed so much. She gets a flash herself gasping and heaving for breath in the darkness of the room, unable to fully drag her sleep-addled brain from terrors. Penelope being there, trying to get her to calm down.

“Oh,” Josie mumbles. She has to remind herself to breathe and not frown.

“You asked me to stay next to you. Insisted actually,” Penelope reminds with a cheeky smile tugging at her lips. Josie can tell she’s trying to keep it light, make her feel better and not back her into a corner where she has to talk about it.

It makes her throat thick.

“You didn’t have to. I would have been fine.”

Penelope rolls her eyes at that. “I don’t mind Josie. I actually like sleeping next to you, if you remember?”

Penelope says it with full confidence though its the kind of think Josie would be terrified to admit out loud these days.

She blushes. “Mmm, well I do remember Lizzie taking the room for her and MG, so thanks.” That was neutral sounding enough.

Penelope sits up then. She has an oversized t-shirt on and a serious look about her face.

“I can tell you’ve not been sleeping well Josie, if at all with those bad dreams. Maybe I’m the last person you want to accept help from, but you can come and sleep here, or talk to me about it whenever you want.”

Josie doesn’t know what to say to that. She hates the idea that she might actually sleep better next to her ex. And for all her talk of being the selfish one, it's a pretty selfless offer.

Unless it isn’t. Maybe she just wants to get her in her bed so she can ruin her as Lizzie says. But she wouldn’t do that, would she?

“Okay,” she whispers. “Why did you tell everyone that we kissed?” She blurts it out before she even thinks about what she’s bringing up.

Penelope’s taken aback for a minute. “Is that what you think? I figured it was some gossipy junior. I wouldn’t do that, and I know you wouldn’t say anything.”

Josie sighs and instantly feels guilty. Why did she have to jump to the worst conclusion with her? “Sorry, I shouldn’t have assumed.”

“Shouldn’t believe everything you hear either, Jose.”

Well what does that mean?

“I can I ask you one more thing then?” Penelope raises her eyebrows and Josie licks her lips and plunges in, “What did you say to Lizzie in the gym that night?”

Penelope doesn’t say anything right away and she’s closed off her face. Josie remembers enough from last night to know it’s not an amusing question and she almost thinks Penelope won’t answer her until she takes a deep breath.

“I was… angry because of the way she was acting after the vote, I just don’t understand why she can’t be happy for you. But essentially it was the same thing I said to you on your birthday. I don’t like the way she treats you.”

Josie brings her knees up to her chest and wraps her arms around herself. Immediately she wants to defend Lizzie, tell Penelope to lay off. Their parents had raised them to take care of one another, to treasure their twin and be good sisters. Dad had the school to run and Mom had to travel a lot. They needed to rely on one another from such a young age.

But a small, hidden part of her did have to admit that she sometimes feels slighted by Lizzie. Why didn’t she notice more that she hadn’t been sleeping? Why did she leave Penelope to be the one to take her home last night? She would do anything for her twin, but sometimes she honestly wondered if she could say the same of Lizzie.

“But you only had the witches change votes to make Lizzie upset in the first place, how else did you think she was going to feel?” Josie bitesback.

Penelope’s expression stays impassive. She’d never had the same problem with conflict. “And even if that was the only reason I did it, the other witches wouldn’t have voted for you for you just to wind Lizzie up,” she reasons.

Josie’s brow crinkles. She honestly hadn’t considered that until now.

“If that’s true then maybe they wanted me for the council precisely because I don’t always put myself first, because I care about other people more,” she snaps.

“It’s not just about the council Josie, or what happened on your birthday! I’m tired of things revolving around Lizzie!” Penelope is getting out of the bed now, hands on hips as she starts getting frustrated too.

“You’re the one who keeps bringing up the way she treats me!” Josie defends, trying not to raise her voice.

Penelope pinches the bridge of her nose. “Just think about what I’m saying, okay Jo?”

Josie jumps out of the bed. Clearly, she’s already been here way too long. She gathers her jacket and shoes from the floor. “Fine. But she’s my twin P, we’re connected in a way I don’t even feel with my Mom and Dad. And that means the world to me.”

“I know,” Penelope sighs out, clearly done with the argument as well.

Josie makes her escape.

 

 

For the rest of the day, she’s in a haze replaying the things Penelope had said over and over. she keeps matching it up in her head to the things they’d fought about before they’d broken up. She thinks about Penelope saying ‘I know’ again except this time she doesn’t even have a kiss lingering in her lips.

Between their argument and her hungover, she’s feeling pretty sorry for herself, though she’s not sure why it's bothering her so much- she still hates Penelope. It’s the weekend, so she hangs out in the library for a bit with her school books in front of her though not really doing any work. Eventually she gives up and heads to their room to crawl under the covers.

Lizzie is there. She watches Josie silently from her bed she gets ready for bed with a blank face. It surprises Josie, she expected to come back to crude comments about drinking too much or throwing herself on her ex.

When the silence between them finally gets too thick for her to stand, Josie turns to her sister, dejected and worn out. “Liz, please don’t be mad at me.”

Lizzie’s face softens out and she relaxes more against the bed. “It’s okay, I’m not mad,” she sighs out. “I just lost my temper. I really don’t trust Penelope and she reminds me of what she did to you, how she left you, and every time I see her it makes me want to slap her.”

Josie doesn’t know what to say. She almost feels ashamed of the way she fell apart when she and Penelope broke up, how she missed her so desperately and cried constantly. Usually Josie was the twin who helped Lizzie, cooled her down and could get her to recenter when she is in meltdown mode. But it had scared them both when Josie had been the one to break down for once.

Josie crosses the room to sit on the bed next to Lizzie and lean into her. Lizzie puts her head on her shoulder.

“It’s okay now though. I’m fine Liz.”

“Even after imposter-mom? It’s okay if you’re not okay,” Lizzie murmurs gently.

Josie bites her lip and tries to steal herself, “…I can’t stop having bad dreams about it, about her burying me.” Her voice is thick and she blinks to try and stop eye eyes pricking with tears.

“Oh Jo,” Lizzie brings her head up to look at her. She brings an arm around her, tucking her under her side. “Have you thought about talking to Emma? She’s always helped me.”

“Yeah, I just- I don’t know. I’ve never done anything like that before. And I don’t want Emma to tell Dad, I don’t want him to worry any more than he already is with this knife business,” Josie whispers anxiously.

“Okay well, you could see her for a chat, like an introductory meeting, and ask her all your questions about those things? Then you can make a decision from there and it's less scary.”

It’s such a thoughtful idea from Lizzie, it reminds her how big her twins heart can be when her family needs her and she puts herself aside. “Thanks, I’ll think about it.”

“Good,” Lizzie beams, pleased with her good advice. “Now let’s go to bed, I’m so tired after partying last night.”

“Night Liz,” she shimmies under the covers of her own bed, hopeful for sleep.

Until it doesn’t come.

Lizzie starts up with her angel snores after her first hour lying there, staring at the ceiling. She starts to get scared then when she does fall asleep she’ll feel the dirt on top of her, and the fight with Penelope churns over in her mind, and she just can’t sleep. Her mind grasps at it, but 1am slips by, then 2am with her tossing and turning.  
She can’t help it, her mind sees bio-mom pushing her down and then her face is rotted and there’s no air, she can’t breathe…

She jumps out of bed, holds herself back from the pacing but pulls her pillow down for another night on the floorboards. She's sweaty and trembling slightly.

Deep breaths and the cool of the floor helps a bit.

She does her best not to think of Penelope’s warm hand pulling her out of ground.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> can't believe i have Josie continuing to believe she hates Penelope... can't believe julie does too. like for $10 dollars, name 1 person here who believes that.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took me a while to update! I went on a road trip with friends.  
> Hope you guys like this one... please kudos and drop a comment letting me know what you think!
> 
> Do you like where things are heading?  
> What should happen next? Any ideas?  
> How slowburn should I make this? lol
> 
> Thanks for all the love- enjoy xx
> 
> EDIT: if Jinella reads this, or any one who knows her... TELL HER TO UPDATE AND FIX POSIE ALSGFDJUDNASKPDSKSKSK

By halfway through the next week Josie is at square one with sleep. Any restfulness she had left from her full night’s sleep in Penelope’s bed is well and truly gone and she feels like one of the zombies coming up from the graveyard on her birthday.

Surprisingly, she is yet to be cornered by Penelope about the dark bags under her eyes. They had locked eyes in class or from across the dining hall and Penelope would shot her a smug look or raised eyebrows and Josie would blush, but that was it.

On one hand, she’s glad for the space to think, but on the other hand, she just ends up thinking about Penelope.

Of nights they used to spend cuddled together in that bed.

If she’s angry at her.

Or of the part of her that still misses her ex no matter how much she hates it.

 

She’d been found by Raf again too. He wanted to know if she got home okay, and Josie knew he wanted a proper answer to his date question. She’d had to let him down gently, hinting at the fact that she knew he’d already shot down Lizzie because he wasn’t over his ex.

It was awkward and he looked surprised that someone would refuse him, but it had to be done.

She’s stuck in Lanthimos’s Offensive Spell class, unable to pay attention. Her mind won’t stop stewing over what she’s going to say to Emma to let her know she wants counseling.

Emma had basically watched them grow up and she feels weird about spilling her guts to her.

She’s hunched over her desk, making a list of things she should talk about and how she can say them to Emma when an overweight figure looms over her.

“Josette Saltzman I expect you to pay attention in my class,” Lanthimos booms in his gruff voice.  
Josie almost falls out of her seat it makes her jump so hard. Her cheeks immediately flare up red and she wants to disappear.

“Stand up Josie. Maybe you want to share with the class what is apparently more important than my lecture,” He demands in a way that leaves no room for negotiation.

Josie lets out an embarrassed squeak and hears a couple of girls snigger at her across the classroom. She can't see who because she keeps her head down, praying Lanthimos will leave her be, but she hears an all too familiar voice hiss back at them.

“Shut the fuck up, you trashy witches,” Penelope spits at them, and it must do the trick because there's a lull in the room after that. She could really be scary when she wanted to.

Lanthimos sighs and rubs his temple.

“Josette, I expect more from you,” he sounds genuinely disappointed and it makes her stomach lurch. She usually works so hard in his class and she didn’t mean to be disrespectful.

She stands waiting to see what he’ll do because there is no way she’s going to start reading that list.

“Okay then, let's have you as our volunteer, Josie, for the attack spell we have been working on. It seems Miss Park has also volunteered herself for this, and for Saturday detention, given her disturbing language in my class,” this is directed at Penelope with a disapproving frown.

Penelope looks totally unapologetic of course, arms crossed over her chest, the opposite of Josie who still has her hands clenched at her side.

She nods though, to indicate she’ll do it and Penelope stands, already making her way to the front of the class.

“Josie, you perform the spell and Penelope block so that the class can see it in action before the lesson ends. Please remember girls, that it is important to _enunciate_ and wait for my mark.”

Josie faces Penelope on the raised platform at the front of the class. She mirrors her stance, widening her feet and letting her arms swing loose at her sides. Penelope looks just as pretty today as any other, effortlessly put together even in school uniform. Those lips quirked up and soft curls Josie could twirl around a finger.

All week they’d been learning a simple blinding spell- It left your opponent without any senses, in darkness and unable to hear anything, for just a few harmless minutes. It was kids stuff really, nowhere near the armory of offensive spells deemed too dark to practice. It didn’t matter anyway because Penelope was an annoyingly good witch and she would block before Josie could even get the words out fully.

The professors claps his hands together and Josie can feel the eyes of the whole class on her. “Okay ladies, here we go- one, two and three…”

Josie stands there, says nothing.

She’s trying to siphon magic from floor beneath her, invite it to bubble up and flow through her but she’s too foggy and it blurs together with tiredness too much.

She hears more giggling from the girls in the back the longer she stands.

Penelope gives her an imploring look, gestures for her to get on with it. Even the professor clears his throat.

Josie shakes her head clear and screws her eyes shut to block it all out. She tries to empty her mind and leave just the warm feeling of magic, concentrating on letting it surge up like they’ve been taught.

Then it does suddenly come on, pushing through the tiredness and taking her by surprise.

She blurts out the spell she’s supposed to say, in fact, she basically yells it at Penelope with the rush of magic.

And Penelope is gasping and flying back across the stage.

Her back hits the wall with an awful thud that echoes around the room and curdles Josie’s stomach. The room goes airily silent for a whole minute and everyone, including Josie, stares in shock at Penelope’s crumpled form against the wall.

Then everything snaps into rapid focus. The professor starts yelling for someone to get a nurse from the infirmary as he stumbles on stage. Chairs clatter as their classmates jump up. Some gasp too, or move to hover at the front of the stage.

Josie stands their still frozen. Her ears are ringing and she feels sick. She can’t get her mind to catch up, can’t get it to move past the fact that she _hurt somebody_ , that she _hurt Penelope_.

She hears Penelope groan where she’s slumped, but she can’t see her fully because of all the people in the way.

She lurches forward a few paces to try and get to her but then catches herself, arms outreached. She can’t do any more damage, just can’t.

Hope appears beside her, steadying hand on her back and on her arm.

“Josie? Its okay, take a deep breath,” Hope says it in that cool, self-assured tone of hers and for a second it does help calm her a bit.

Then she gets a glimpse of Penelope again, hurt and clutching the back of her head, but obviously trying to brush it off.

She hears her own rapid breathing and knows right away she’s crying, her cheeks are wet and she’s shaky.

“Josie she’s okay, she’s not seriously hurt and we can take her to the infirmary now. You need to calm down though, alright? You can’t come if you’re too hysterical.”

She nods through her weeping so Hope knows she understands and starts to trying and regulate her breathing, just like she would do for Lizzie. She can’t stop her eyes from crying though, it's like a bottomless well.

Penelope is pulled up, arm around MG’s shoulders as he helps her. She looks in poorly-concealed pain.  
Her uniform has wrinkles now and that detail, and the urge to smooth them out as if they were never there is the thing that makes her rush forward again to help.

Penelope catches sight of her through the hovering students and her whole face softens out, even through a wince.

“Aw Jo, It’s okay, please don’t cry,” she calls softly to her even though she’s basically being dragged across the room.

Even though Josie is the one who hurt her.

She blindly follows Hope out the class and through the corridors, behind Penelope’s entourage. Lanthimos and MG and a couple of witches that Penelope always hangs out with are all fussing over her even though Penelope keeps insisting she’s fine.

To be fair, she’s doing the same, wringing her hands and biting her lip. She’s pretty sure she might still be crying. Penelope looks over her shoulder once or twice to glance at her.

Josie only feels worse once they get there. Penelope refuses to lie down on the hospital bed and keeps trying to get someone to check on her instead.

The nurse asks her to rate her pain and then probs her back and head. The way she winces at especially tender spots means no one is buying her brave act.

She hears the nurse say something about keeping her for observation.  
Josie’s guilt triples watching it all and it quickly becomes too much for her to bare.

She flees the room, throwing a choked “Sorry,” over her shoulder before running out. She hears Penelope and Hope shout something after her but thankfully she’s already too far away to hear it.

She thinks of the only place she knows she’ll be able to get some air- outside of this bloody school.

It’s easy to clear the gates because they stay mostly unguarded. Her Dad and the other teachers rely on the fact that there was nothing but woods for miles and therefore no one was really that interested in leaving. Usually, the school buses took them to the nearest town when they had to make appearances there, and there was a public bus that came by once in a blue moon.

There was no way she is using magic to get herself out. Stealing her Dad’s car would be the only option.

He kept the keys ‘hidden’ underneath the front seat, and the car parked in the back of the school, where kids sometimes went to smoke unchecked.

She’s speeding away in minutes, letting the open window dry her wet cheeks.

Eventually her wonky driving gets her into the small town, cruising along the sad strip of shops the mortals who lived there called the village center.  A couple of old lady clothes shops, post office, supermarket.

She pulls up at the cinema. It used to be this old theatre with velvet curtains and a chandelier ceiling. Now they just have a projection screen that plays nothing but old movies and Twilight reruns.

She pays for the very next screening and sees herself to a seat in the back.

When the lights go down and she’s the only one in there she finally feels like she can breathe a bit easier.

_Rear Window_ is playing. Old mortal movies always made her feel better- nothing much bad happened. No one hurt their ex-girlfriend with their magic powers, knives didn’t bring back dead moms or monsters, and there was almost always a happy ending.

   
By the time the credits roll and she’s bought herself dinner at the local diner, its almost lights out time at the academy and she feels a lot more in control. She still feels extremely guilty for hurting someone, but she knows she needs to pull it together now. Apologize properly to Penelope without any teasing or mind games and work on getting a good night’s sleep so nothing like that ever happens again.

She parks the car back where she found it knowing full well her dad will have noticed her and the car gone and she’ll be in trouble in the morning. 

She trails up to her room, exhausted, to say goodnight to Lizzie. She’s barely through the door before the questions start.

“Oh my god, where have you been?! Everyone is talking about what you did to Penelope!”

Lizzie doesn’t sound disappointed at all. Trust her to get a kick out of her getting hurled across a room.

“I don’t really want to talk about it right now Lizzie,” she sighs out, voice husky from crying.

“Oh,” Lizzie’s face turns concerned when she clocks on to Josie being sad. “It’s okay Josie, everyone knows it was an accident. No one blames you. I mean really it's not even that bad- they let her out of the infirmary hours ago,” she rambles.

Josie perks up at that. “They did?”

“Yeah, I mean know you what she’s like, such a drama queen. And everyone will be talking about something else new tomorrow anyways.”

“I know. Thanks Liz.”

“Try to get some sleep tonight Josie. You look kinda pale and sick.”

She doesn’t mean to say it in a nasty way so Josie nods and gives her a smile.

“Night, I’m gonna say a quick goodnight to Dad so don’t wait up, okay?”

Lizzie shrugs, already focused on her show again.

She heads to Penelope’s room, thankful most of the witches are already in bed and the corridors are empty.

She has to steal herself before giving a hesitant knock on her door.

“Come in.” It sounds strong, that's good, right?

She lets it swing open. Penelope is lying in bed, laptop open.

“Oh, Jojo, it's you. Are you okay?” She seems surprised but not unhappy to see her. She’s got one of those concerned half-smiles that are so rare for her.

“I should be the one asking you that,” she whispers, ashamed.

“Yeah but you kinda freaked out on us there, Jo.”

“I know, and I’m sorry. Whatever has happened in the past or the argument we had the other day, I should have stayed and made sure you were okay. And I’m so sorry Penelope, for hurting you. I swear I didn’t do it on purpose, I don’t know what happened,” she apologises as sincerely as she can, staring into dark eyes so she knows she means it.

“I know, and I know it was an accident. You didn’t have to stay either, you looked like you really needed to get the hell out of there.”

“Are you alright though? What did the nurse say?”

“She sent me here, with painkillers, to rest for the afternoon. But really I’m fine, It just took me a little by surprise is all.”

Josie nods, not totally convinced though she can't see any pain lingering on her face.

“Did you have a good day off class anyway?” Penelope asks.

She doesn’t quite know how to navigate the nice-awkwardness hanging in the air. It’s unfamiliar territory for them.

She smiles anyway and takes a few steps into her room. She'll like this story.

“I, uh, stole Dad’s car and took it to the next town. I went to the old theatre and diner for some air.”

Penelope burst out laughing. “Badass Jo, good on you! Was it the same one we used to go too?”

“Yeah, Rear Window was playing,” she says, shy smile at Penelope’s laugh.

“You like that one. Feel better?”

“Yes, I’m just, you know, still tired. I think its why I messed up the spell,” she finishes guiltily.

“I figured- Its okay. Come lay down here.”

The confident command takes her a back and she stands there gaping.

“Only say no if you want to. Otherwise, you owe me that much.”

She can’t argue with that. She still has the image of Penelope on the ground, eyes closed and groaning in pain, stuck in her brain.

Josie lays herself down carefully next to her, not touching and trying not to jostle the bed in case it hurts her head.

“Christ now you’re just lying here awkwardly instead of standing awkwardly.”

Josie snorts at that, lets herself relax against the soft pillows. There's silence for a few moments before she decides to reveal herself more.

“I’m going to go see Emma tomorrow,” she admits into the lamp-lit room. It beats talking about how they fought last time she slept over. She knows that same old argument is hanging in the air- just neither of them are willing to go there. 

“That's a good idea.” She turns to look at her on the pillow

Josie faces her as well, she studies bright eyes. “It was Lizzie’s, actually.”

Penelope has the good sense to hide her surprise.

She takes a deep breath for one more bold move.

“Can I take you up on your offer to sleep here? Just sleep and not have it mean anything? I can’t go another day in exhaustion. I feel like I won’t survive it.”

She wanted to say it in way Penelope would, confident and self-assured even when she was asking something so personal. Even when she could say no and it would burn her.

Instead it comes out like a confession and half-broken towards the end. She lets it sit though and hears Penelope breath out slow and measured.

“Yeah Jo, of course. I’m happy you asked,” she says honestly and eyes her bore back into Josie’s.

She knows Penelope is telling the truth, she is happy. It’s probably the selfishness of the request.

“Do you want pajamas?”

“Yes please.”

Penelope goes to get up but Josie puts a hand on her arm to hold her back.

“I’ll get them, you rest and stay still.”

“Okay, you know where. Choose whatever.”

She picks out a soft, baggy t-shirt and purple shorts that she’s worn sleeping over before.

“I’ll be right back,” she murmurs before slipping out the door for the bathroom next door.

When she gets back Penelope’s pulled back the covers for her, arranged the pillows so that her old favourite is waiting for her.

“Do you need painkillers or water before we… sleep?” She whispers nervously.

Penelope shakes her head and so Josie has nothing left to do but crawl in next to her.

She wants to hate the way the sheets and pajamas smell good and familiar to her, but she can’t, she’s too busy practically dissolving into the mattress, letting her eyes grow heavy.

For a second, how comforting it all is, and the fact that they've done this more times than she can count is almost too much intimacy for her.

Penelope's so beautiful and open in bed with her like this it makes her ache. She has to remind herself what she did to her, what she could really be like, to keep from falling into her arms.

This is just for sleeping. There is nothing else.

She turns to face away from Penelope on the bed. But she can still feel breath tickling her neck, Penelope’s warmth curling around her.

Penelope gets the light. “Goodnight, Jojo.”

“Goodnight.”

She smiles to herself, pleased when she feels nothing pushing against her sleepiness for once. It comes and it keeps coming until she feels herself falling into it, her back melting against Penelope’s front.

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay so this one is a tiny bit of a filler- only because the next chapter is a Whole Thing.
> 
> Next one is already written too, so I'm gonna try and chuck it up for you all tomorrow after I proof read a million times (and inevitably miss some mistakes aghh) just because you're all so sweet with your kudos and comments and I really appreciate it :')
> 
> Regardless I hope you guys get something out of this chapter! Let me know if you do!!
> 
> Also i messed up slightly? Rewatched 1 of the episodes yesterday and realised that they don't learn offensive magic (yet) so woops. Haven't decided yet whether I'm gonna roll with what i've got or rework it somehow. Anyone care if I do/don't? 
> 
> Enjoy and check back again tomorrow! xx

When she wakes up, she’s alone. And to be honest, she’s a little relieved. In the light of day, she’s not entirely sure how she feels that she had to sleep in her ex’s bed just to get some rest. She knew Penelope didn’t care, it just wasn’t _normal_.

Also, as much as she kept telling herself sleeping there didn’t change anything, she was kinda scared that maybe it might. That waking up legs tangled together might make it harder to keep the platonic lines between them clear.  God knows she needed to remember how devastated Penelope could make her.

There’s a note on the pillow next to her.

                                                            

**_I thought you would probably need a sleep-in._**

_**I’ll cover.** _

__

_**-P x** _

She folds it back up neatly and checks the alarm. 11am. She’d been asleep for 12 hours and missed almost 3 classes.

 She flings the covers off and starts to tug on her uniform left folded on Penelope’s dresser. She’s got more energy than she can ever remember having, doesn’t feel dizzy or lightheaded standing up, just stronger and clearer.

 She snatches the note, takes it with her when she flits out the door and tucks it in her pocket. After stopping in her room quickly to touch up and switch her shirt, make sure she doesn’t look as though she’s doing a walk of shame.

 She fills into the cafeteria with the other students for lunch, as if she’s just come from classes too. She slides in next to Hope and MG. Hope’s picking at her food, pretending to do her loner thing, after yesterday though, Josie just wants to hug her.

 “Lizzie’s looking for you Josie. She wants to know why she didn’t see you this morning,” MG says through a mouthful of sandwich.

 Hope smirks and gives her a teasing kick under the table. Josie wonders how she could have possibly figured where she’s been.

 “Thanks MG. I’ll find her.”

 “You doing okay then Josie? I couldn’t find you yesterday either,” Hope asks.

 “Yeah, I’m okay. I just needed some air, I feel much better,” she gives Hope a real smile and it’s returned.

 “I’m glad. You deserve a break.”

 When Hope says sweet things like that it, makes her remember that underneath all that self-imposed isolation and broodiness, Hope really was very lovely, and a good friend.

 “Thanks for helping me yesterday,” she hushes, embarrassed. “It was an accident and I didn’t mean to get so overwhelmed.”

 “Don’t mention it, J. We know you would never hurt anyone on if you couldn’t help it,” she says gently, and MG nods vigorously, still shovelling food into his mouth.

 “You still have the locket I gave you?”

 Josie pulls it out from underneath her shirt and runs her fingers over the intricate silver.

 “Keep it on for the next week or so, okay?”

 “Okay. It’s really pretty Hope, I would keep it on anyway. I like it,” she beams at her, wondering why she felt the need to ask that of her.

 She’s long since learnt to let Hope keep her air of mystery though.

 Mr Williams comes up to their table, stern-faced and holding one of those tell-tale parchment papers from the principal’s office.

 “Josie, Mr Saltzman wants a word with you right away. You best head there now,” he says, and she knows then that she’s definitely in trouble.

 “Damn Josie, you rebel, give em hell!” MG hollers loud enough for other students near them to turn and stare.

 “Thanks, but no thanks MG. Bye guys, I’ll catch up with you later. Oh and tell Lizzie not to worry if you see her!” she calls, already being escorted away.

 Needless to say, her Dad does not look happy to see her when she gets to his office.  He sits behind his desk, narrowed eyes and staring at her for a good few minutes until she starts to fidget.

 She’s in the hot seat opposite, just like any other student awaiting punishment. She wishes he _would_ punish her like every other student- but he won’t. She just knows she in for some big parental lecture.

 “So a staff member noticed you take my car out. You skipped multiple classes and no one could find you at dinner,” he starts, quietly furious.

 “What I’m struggling to wrap my head around Josette, is how could you? Why would you?” He continues, all exasperated and red faced. Josie can’t blame him, she has put him in a bind.

 “If this was another student, we’d have to call their parents and consider suspension!” He raves, waving his hands around.

 She must look upset because he heaves a sigh and pinches the bridge of this nose. There’s silence for another minute and all Josie can think is how stupid she was to make him so stressed out. It had seemed like no big deal in the heat of the moment, but now she just feels hot and guilty.

 “I’m sorry, I really am. I wasn’t thinking clearly at all,” she whispers, looking down at her lap. 

Her Dad sighs at her meek apology.

 “Why did you do it Josie? This kind of behaviour it not like you at all,” he sounds so disappointed and it makes Josie feel even worse.

“Something happened in spell class and I got upset. I needed to escape for a minute,” she tries to explain with a thick voice.

“I heard about that and I understand Josie, but we can’t have students wondering out of the gates whenever they please. It’s a health and safety issue and we need to set a good example for younger students. I mean what if something had happened to you?” 

“I know, I’m sorry,” she breathes out.

“You need to find a better way to cope when you need an escape. Maybe a walk or talking it out with someone? You know this, Josie, you’ve seen Lizzie struggle with the same thing for years.” 

She doesn’t mention that Lizzie definitely has her own out-of-school excursions. She just doesn’t get caught.

“Yeah I will, I’m sorry,” she repeats again.

“Now I know you’re very sorry Josie and _you_ know, that as your parent I’m very disappointed. But as your principal, I have to punish you for stealing my car and taking it off school grounds.”

She could cry.

“It’s okay Dad, you can suspend me.”

He looks pained. “I’ve thought about it, and I don’t think that is going to achieve anything other than get you behind in your classes. Instead I’ve settled on detention for a month. You’ll be helping the faculty with some work on Saturdays.”

Josie lets out a breath she didn’t know she was holding. Saturday detention she could deal with.

“That’s fair. What about the other thing though?" 

“What other thing?” her dad counters hesitantly.

“I… I hurt another student,” she whispers, guiltily.

“Ah I heard about that. I’m not going to punish you for an accident Josie, and you shouldn’t punish yourself for it either,” he tells her gently.

She nods and bites her lip.

“I did talk to Professor Lanthimos however, and he is concerned about your inability to do the spell and how your grades will turn out. I think he has some extra credit for you.”

“I’ll do it. Don’t worry, my grades are going to be really good this term,” she promises solemnly. Her Dad had enough on his plate with Lizzie and the knife and protecting the school without worrying about her too.

“They always are, Jose. You’d better not be late for class now,” he nods towards the door.

“Thanks Dad,” Josie gives him a small smile, standing up.

“Love you sweetheart,” he mumbles as she leaves, already sorting through more papers on his desk.

Josie pauses almost out the door, notices the flecks of grey he has in his hair and the lingering smell of whiskey ever-present these days. 

“I love you too.”

 

 

When classes are mercifully done, she finally gets the chance to pay a visit to Emma’s office. She has her list from Lanthimos’s class, clenched and crumpled in her fist just in case she loses her words. She’s anxious, for sure. It takes her ages to actually knock.

After she does though, Emma lets her in, extra friendly to her like always.

She seems momentarily surprised Josie is there for herself and not because Lizzie is having an episode. However, she’s nothing but understanding when she says that she wants to talk about her birthday night. Or that she is having trouble sleeping.

 She mentions the nightmares quickly too and Emma nods, face worked into an encouraging smile. She had forgotten how professional and easy to talk to Emma could be. Her charming British accent lulled you into chatting away.

She leaves with an appointment to have a proper session and start working on her sleep issues next week. It’s like a weight off her chest to know she can be helped. 

She goes back to her room and feeds Lizzie some lies about where she was this morning, feeling terrible all the while. Then gets ready for bed.

When her twin is snoring, she makes the trip in the to Penelope’s room, bare feet tiptoeing in the dark.

She cracks the door open. 

“For a second I wasn’t sure you’d come again, Jo.” Penelope teases. She looks much the same as the other night, lamp-lit and there’s a candle burning. Messy bun with dark wisps of hair escaping. Baggy band t-shirt and book in-hand.

Josie shrugs, “I need to sleep… I _just_ want to sleep.” She’d done quite enough talking today.

Penelope still looks smug.

“Always a charmer. Do you want me to sleep on the couch _or with you_?” She asks suggestively, eyebrow quirked.

Josie hates it when she does this, asks questions she already knows the answer to just to make Josie say it out loud. Besides, there’s no way she’d let Penelope sleep on the couch in her own room having flung her against a wall yesterday.

“Just stay there,” she scowls and slips under the covers next to her.

They lie there for a bit, Josie trying to relax enough to give in to tiredness and Penelope reading.

There’s a thank you on the tip of her tongue. Her inbuilt niceness makes her want to be polite about Penelope letting her share her bed, or for covering for her classes this morning- _again_. But she just resents it all too much. The fact that she can’t seem to sleep anywhere else but her ex’s bed. That she now feels indebted to her.

Despite that, she hardly remembers falling asleep.

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is it weird that I'm kinda excited about this and the next chapter? lol
> 
> For professor Adams, think Amy Adams because I LOVE her. Best actress of our generation you can't change my mind. 
> 
> Um also just be aware if you aren't that I updated yesterday, so make sure you catch that chapter before you read on :)
> 
> Hope you all enjoyyyyy! And please let me know if there's anything you wanna see in the fic because some of the elements are still up in the air and now would be the time to tell me before I nail all that shit down.
> 
> Also also don't forget to Kudos so I can oust my sister lmao  
> But For Real I really super appreciate all of you that have kudos and commented - i lurv the support :) 
> 
> xx

It’s Saturday and Josie creeps out early to get ready in her own room without waking Penelope. She’d spent the rest of the week in her bed and had been sleeping well, besides a few bad dreams. Last night they’d even had a movie night seen as it was a Friday and there was nothing else to do. 

She reports to the designated detention room where Professor Adams is already waiting. There are a couple of younger kids already at the desks, little pack mates complaining. Baby wolves always gave her dad the most trouble- so temperamental. 

The professor nods at her as she takes her seat clears and clears her throat. “Alright darlings, your poor choices have brought you here today and-”

Penelope interrupts her, waltzing through the door like she invented detention. “Sorry I’m late. I thought my roommate would have woken me up.” This is directed at her with a glare. 

Josie groans and buries her head in her hands. She completely forgot, Penelope has detention too.  Great. A whole day together pretending they’re not going to go back to the same bed. 

“You can’t blame others for your tardiness Miss Park. Take a seat,” Adams retorts, annoyed.

“As I was saying, today is a chance to service your school and make up for your transgressions. The junior boys will be on gum scrapping duty, and Mr. Saltzman has asked that the older students work on a special job,” she consults her clipboard. “Josette and Penelope I guess that’s you two today. If you’d follow me,” she instructs, brisk. 

 Adams leads them through old paneled corridors to the south wing of the school. It’s semi-abandoned, in the oldest part of the school and Josie had never been before.

Currently, it seemed to be used as storage with dusty bookcases that tower to the ceiling, old furniture sprawled around and ancient artefacts pilling up. It’s made up of several big, interconnected rooms, dark and damp- a hoarders paradise. 

“God I didn’t realise you could even get back here anymore,” Penelope mutters, half disgusted at the state of it, half thrilled. Josie knows straight away exactly what she’ll be thinking. This is the perfect place to do some exploring and bunk off class later. 

“Yes well, obviously it is in need to some serious organising,” the Professors sniffs, “Which is where you two come in. Mr Satlzman wants you to start cataloguing the old artefacts in here, and he wants you to use this.”

She hands Josie a large iron magnifying glass, so heavy and solid she almost drops it. 

“It’s enchanted. You need to use it to scan anything valuable looking. If it glows green through the glass, then it’s important and it needs to go into archive. Set it aside and I will deal with it later.” 

She hands Penelope her clipboard for cataloguing and gives one last disdainful look around the carnivorous room. 

“Be careful girls. I’ll come and collect you before dinner.” She tosses long auburn hair over her shoulder.  “Josette darling, I was rather disappointed to see your name on the detention list. I hope this is a one-off incident.”

Josie gives her a weak smile. “Of course Professor Adams. And we’ll take care of this, don’t worry.”

She gives a satisfied nod and then does a sly once over of Penelope, wrinkling her nose before turning for the exit on her clackety heels.

“Miss Park, you could learn a thing or two about responsibility from Josie here today,” she calls over her shoulder. 

The double doors slam behind her and Penelope snorts. _“_ Oh Josette you’re _such_ _a sweet girl_ , I can’t believe you’re doing detention with that _deviant Penelope Park,”_ she mocks in the same haughty tone of the professor. 

Josie cracks a smile, with just the two of them there. “You’re just bitter because I’m well liked.”

“Yeah but you only kiss Adam’s ass because she’s a total MILF.”

“Jealous much?”

Penelope scoffs. “You wish.”

“Don’t forget, P, you could really learn a thing or two from me today,” Josie teases in a sing-song voice. 

Penelope laughs and it echoes so lovely against the dusty wooden floors that she just stands there, still and listening for a minute after. It had been so long since she and Penelope had joked around together like that, she’d almost forgotten how relaxed and easy it could be between them. 

And then she turns away. 

Because she _hates_ it. 

For a second she’s white hot with anger that Penelope can just get back under her skin and pretend nothing is wrong between them. She can’t take all the familiarity between them the past few days.  It makes Lizzie right about what Penelope does to her, and it makes what everyone probably thinks of her true, too. 

That she’s weak and that she’s there so the Penelope Park’s of the world can _take, take, take_ from her. 

She wants to blast the stack of old desks she’s so angry with herself but she takes a deep breath and works her clenched jaw instead.  She can feel Penelope’s curious eyes on the back of her head so she swallows her frustration and huffs out, “Come on, let’s just get on with this.”

Penelope gives her a puzzled look but starts sifting through boxes half-heartedly.

“So, how many detentions did you get for your crimes?” Penelope breaks the now tense silence.  

“Four, a months worth,” Josie grumbles.

“That’s bullshit, the one time you bend the rules and take a break for yourself…”

“Yeah well, you didn’t see how disappointed and angry my dad was. It was stupid of me to be so reckless.” She keeps rifling through the filing cabinet she’s on, cranky.

“Oh please, he’s just upset because you disturbed the image in his head of his sweet and shy little girl who can do no wrong.”

Even though she’s just joking it rubs Josie the wrong way entirely. 

“Save the psychoanalysis Penelope. We both know your family is no cake walk either.” Her tone is all wrong and it comes out angry and nasty. 

Her head snaps up and she wants to take it back as soon as the words leave her mouth. She catches a brief flicker of hurt on Penelope’s face like she’d had her breath stolen, and regret pulses through Josie taking out her stomach. 

She’s about to apologise but Penelope’s face has already lapsed back into stone. She just shrugs gives a bitter smirk. Josie can practically see the walls going back up. 

“Good point,” she mutters and wonders down to the back of the hall and crashing about as she goes. 

Josie sighs and curses herself. She decides to leave it and say sorry when Penelope’s had a minute. In the meantime she’ll just have to let the guilt eat her. 

She starts to run the magnifying glass over anything old she encounters, sorting things as she goes, but nothing glows green for her. After an hour of working in silence, she starts to think it’s not even working.

She perseveres for a while longer but really, how did people do this Saturday detention thing? Penelope had a rule breaking habit even when they were together and despite being exceptionally good at not getting caught, she still had her fair share of detentions. The day wasn’t even half over and she was already bored and fed up.  

“Hey Josie, come check this out!” Penelope calls faintly from somewhere deep in the wing.

Josie grumbles and wonders in the direction her voice came from. She has to doge stacks of books and boxes but eventually, she gets a glimpse of dark hair and navy cardigan. 

“I think this ridiculous thing is broken,” she mutters as she moves closer, rattling the magnifying glass. 

“Forget that, we’re not child slaves,” she waves her hand dismissively. “Look at this old spell book! The magic in here is generations old,” she sounds almost awed as she places the old tome on a table gingerly. 

The spine is barely intact and all the pages are thick and yellowed. It’s filled with loopy cursive, mostly in Latin, and Penelope flicks through the pages muttering sentences to herself.  

“God Penelope why can’t you just leave things alone? That stuff is dangerous,” she spits out before she can catch herself, still feeling resentful. 

“Well your moods are seriously giving me whiplash Josie, so make up your mind. Are you angry at me or not? Because just last night you seemed pretty happy tucked up next to me.”  

She had been happy- laughing at the silly movie and tossing popcorn back. It was raining pretty badly and Penelope’s room felt so cozy. With her ex’s back is pressed against hers, warm and reassuring, she didn’t wake up once. 

Josie purses her lips and says nothing. She wants to be a big person and be nice to her, but Penelope is so goddamn infuriating. And more than that, she’s angry at herself for being so affected by her. 

So even though she doesn’t believe in holding grudges, and even though it’s petty to be angry at Penelope for nothing in particular, _she just is_. 

“See this is half the problem Jo, you’re so repressed you can’t even talk about your own feelings.” She doesn’t say it unkindly, more like she’s just stating facts. 

“I don’t want to argue right now. I don’t have anything important to say,” she says in forced calm.

“Or is it because you don’t want to piss me off? You do need my bed to sleep after all.”

If she’s trying to provoke her, it works. She feels a flash of hurt that Penelope would even think so poorly of her.

“Not all of want to say every thought and feeling that crosses our brain. Sometimes it’s better just to leave things be and not hurt anyone,” she offers quietly. 

Penelope sighs at that. “I’m just saying, you don’t have to judge your own feelings and thoughts so harshly. You’re allowed to feel things and then just have them be felt,” she reasons. 

To be honest, she’s a bit surprised. She always thought Penelope went about doing whatever she pleased, without thinking too hard, out of blind recklessness. It had never crossed her mind that it was more about having the guts to honour your feelings. 

She says nothing.

“Well I think we should do something else judgment free and figure out this damn book. It looks too interesting to pass up.”

She surprises herself when she nods and spins the book to face her. She holds the magnifying glass up experimentally and lo and behold, under the glass it glows bright green. 

She’s still looking when she sees something else faintly glowing from the corner lens. She starts digging through the pile of junk to the left of the table, casting aside old fashioned children’s toys and rusty jewellery to find what’s glowing.

She pulls out a pendant with a witches star hanging off the middle. The star is as big as her palm and as soon as she gets a hold of it, she feels its connection with the book. It’s like they’re two part of a whole, bonded with magic so complex it gives her shivers.

“Penelope, you’re going to want to hold this,” and she palms it off before she starts to get too freaked out by it, dropping it into Penelope’s waiting hand.

“Did you feel it too? They’re joint,” she whispers, amazed. She turns back to the book and starts trying to read it with their elementary Latin. 

“I think you need the pendant to make the spells work. Look,” she stabs a diagram with a finger, “You’re meant to hold it when you do the spell.” 

Josie squints at that page. It’s faded and worn but she’s right. 

“I think we should do this,” she flicks back a couple of pages to show her. “From the sounds of it, it’s a good luck spell. It only lasts a few days and it’s straightforward.”

Josie is shaking her head instantly. “luck spells are messy, you know this! You can alter the future if you’re not careful.” 

“Yes but that’s the point isn’t it? Alter the future for good things to happen.” She has a wicked grin and Josie knows there’s no way she’s leaving this alone.  

“Come on, I’ve seen _herbology_ spells more complicated this. And it’ll be more fun if you do it with me.” 

Josie glances at the book again. 48 hours of luck, 1 incantation. Easy.

“Fine, but after that we use our luck to finish organising some of this place. Deal?”

Penelope looks delighted. “Deal! I knew you still liked fun Jojo,” she teases, smug. 

Josie ignores that and gets them ready. They sit cross legged on the floor, facing each other with the book in between them and each holding half the pendant in one hand. Josie puts her other palm to the floorboards to feel for the school’s magic. It’s weak this far out, but it’s there. 

“Take from me instead,” Penelope suggests, holding out her hand and looking determined. “We’ll be more in sync for the spell this way.” 

Josie hesitates but takes her hand, warm and firm like always. It is true that their magic works well together. It could have been in her head, but anytime they’d done spell work with one another before, she felt it flow so nicely and tether them together. 

“Slow and steady, okay Jo?” Penelope squeezes her hand and after a deep breath, she lets her eyes slip close to concentrate. 

Their clasped hands get warm and tingly where she siphons and she squeezes Penelope back to let her know it’s time. They say the incantation perfectly and the pendant gets hot in response, almost scorching but then rapidly cooling when they finish the spell. Josie opens her eyes again and sees Penelope’s flutter open too, lashes casting shadows against her cheeks.

“Did it work?” 

“I don’t feel any different,” Josie mutters, eyes scanning for any changes to her ex opposite her. 

Penelope lets go of her hand and stands up. Josie immediately misses the contact and brushes her palm against her skirt instead to get rid of the static feeling.  

“Typical. What a load of old crap,” Penelope mutters. 

Then seconds later there is a thundering crash and bookshelves crashing down coming from the next room. It’s so loud that Josie just about jumps out of her skin. Her heart starts pounding out of her chest as books keep falling, hitting the ground with heavy thuds. 

Penelope looks spooked briefly, till she recovers herself. “Stay here,” she orders, “I’m gonna check it out. I’m sure a shelf just collapsed.” 

It’s her fake relaxed voice and there’s no way Josie is letting her go alone.  

Another crash, louder and closer to them, confirms the sinking feeling in her stomach and makes Penelope stop in her tracks. It sounds like more falling furniture and it echoes around them and makes the walls vibrate. Its mixed with heavy pounding on the floorboards, like footsteps, which is when Josie realises there’s a creature back there.

And it’s getting closer.

They don’t have time to argue over what to do because seconds later, it bursts through the doors. 

It’s ugly. So ugly that Josie is instantly horrified. It looks like a giant out of a fairytale book, except angrier and with more drool. Its skin is more grey than flesh coloured and It has tiny eyes on a lumpy head that just brushes the ceiling. He’s got tattered rags on and a foul smell coming off him that makes her eyes water. 

When the thing catches sight of them, standing there gaping, he immediately charges towards them. She almost loses her balance from the way it lurches forward and makes the whole room shake.

Josie doesn’t think, she grabs Penelope’s hand back and pulls in the other direction.

“Run!”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like I said, comments, kudos, thoughts, feelings and feedback all very much welcome - let me know what you think :)


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here it is! Thanks for the feedback and kudos as always team x
> 
> Decided just to roll with what I've got about offensive magic. No offense to Julie Plec but the whole 'Should We or Shouldn't We Teach Kids Violent Spells' was already done in Harry Potter and I'm not willing to rehash that :) 
> 
> Enjoy! xx

They sprint through the big hall, back towards the east wing entrance. Giant footsteps chase behind her, sending furniture flying in their wake and Josie swears any minute something is going to crash into them. Penelope is clutching her hand back just as hard, making sure she keeps up.

They have to dodge all the piles of crap in the way, all the while the giant creature sounding so close on their tail Josie’s not sure they’ll make it.

They do make it though, and Josie automatically raises her hands to magic the doors locked behind them. They’re both panting from the running and the thing is bashing on the doors, making them rattle so violently they’ll likely bust down any minute.

Penelope immediately concentrates on shifting furniture with her mind to create a barricade and Josie joins her. It's not easy though- the shelves and old tables are still so heavy and they rarely exert their powers like this.

After a solid 10 minutes of siphoning and moving she can’t take it anymore stops for a minute to try and catch her breath.

“How are you doing Jojo?! Not freaking out on me, are you?” Penelope yells over the crashing of the giant against the door, her voice strained with the effort of levitating one last desk onto the pile.

“I’m saving it for later, don’t worry!” She yells back, willing her panicked brain to think of what to do next.

Penelope stands back and the barricade holds and shudders through the pounding from the other side of the door.

“What the hell is that thing?” She moans, wiping her brow.

“I don’t know but we are in so much trouble.”

“Yeah, we’re screwed,” Penelope chuckles, chest still heaving.

“Oh god do you think we should just call my Dad now before it gets loose in the school?” Josie shouts back, feeling sick at the idea.

“He might look us in the dungeons forever.” Penelope’s joking turns to a frown, “It’s a 48-hour spell right? Maybe we should just leave him to wait it out and then he’ll disappear.”

The way the thing is kicking against the doors, Josie knows it’ll never hold for that long.

“I think I have an idea but you need to stand back,” she instructs.

Penelope looks at her, reluctant, but then shuffles further behind. She raises her hands once again and utters the spell as clearly as she can. Judging by the sound of the Giant dropping to the ground and the silence that follows, it works.

“What did you do?” Penelope asks, amazed.

“The offensive spell from Lanthimos’s class. The one I messed up on you.”

Josie thinks she sees Penelope look proud for split second, but then the game face is back in place. “Okay so it's only going to bind him for maybe 5 minutes if we’re lucky. We need some serious magic to get rid of him.”

Josie winces at the ‘getting rid of' part. It wasn’t the thing’s fault they summoned him here and she didn’t like the idea of hurting him if they could help it. He was kind of cute in an angry abandoned puppy sort of way.

“I think we should call Hope.” She’d always been a little too adept at offensive magic, though Lizzie is going to kill her if she finds out about this.

“Great. The more the merrier.”

Josie rolls her eyes at the sarcasm even in the face of danger and Penelope dials.

Hope manages to get there quick, just as the giant is coming to his senses again. MG, who has tagged along and his eye darting around like the monster will jump out any second.

“Only you two together would manage to fuck up detention so bad. What the hell happened?” Hope asks, astounded at the scene before her.

“We found some old spell book and cast a luck spell together. Next thing we know, this giant appears and is coming after us,” Josie rushes out. “It’s big Hope, and slimy.”

“Oh that sounds like one of those crazy-ass luck trolls,” MG throws in like it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

The troll starts to slam against the door again as he comes around and a chair falls from the barricade as it shakes from the force.

Penelope looks 100% done with the situation. “Explain,” she orders.

“I only know them from comic books, honestly I wasn’t even sure they were real. Usually, you set them on your enemies to take away their good luck... not on each other.”

Well that explains it.

“I don’t have any good luck left to be taken,” Josie adds uselessly after another loud bang.

“Yeah, me either,” Hope throws in.

“Whatever. Let’s kill this thing,” Penelope calls over the roaring and crashing getting louder.

“No! Please, he hasn’t done anything wrong! Let’s just bind him here and I’ll keep an eye on him,” Josie pleads, eyes flicking between Hope and Penelope desperately.

Everyone groans, exasperated with her niceness, but then Hope comes over and touches her arm.

“We can’t leave it Josie, a human might get hurt if they come here after all the noise,” she says gently.

Josie nods in understanding and tries not to look too upset at the idea.

“Unless we unravel the spell,” Penelope interjects after a minute of thinking. “I still have the pendant. Hope and I would say a reversal spell and you’d have to drain it Jo.”

“Like my zombie mom,” Josie finishes quietly.

“Yes,” Penelope confirms grimly.

Josie takes a deep breath. “Let’s do it. It’s the only option that’s not gonna hurt him,” she agrees finally.

Hope rubs her back reassuringly and Penelope passes her the pendant. Again she feels the energy it holds right away and she tries to focus in on it to reach the spell they just did through all the snorting and grunting of the troll.

Once she feels like she’s ready, she calls out. “Start reversing!”

She hears Hope and Penelope start chanting behind her and she begins the siphoning. The pendant gets hot again and she has to resist the urge to drop it like its going to burn her.

Her hands are glowing bright red and the longer she drains it, the more she understands how old the creature they have released is, how old the magic is. No wonder the poor thing is so angry. She feels the pendant getting weaker and the grumbling coming from the troll gets the quieter, his thumping more feeble as she continues.

Eventually it comes to a stop altogether and the pendant will give her no more magic. There’s silence as they all stare at the barricade.

“Do you think he’s gone?” MG whispers.

“Only one way to find out,” and Penelope starts shifting desks away from the door, Hope and Josie joining her.

After all the magic she took from the pendant she manages to lift twice as much as the other two, she feels juiced up and full like she’d just eaten a huge meal.

The doors fly open and there’s nothing there, just a wreckage of shelves and books and junk.

“Thank god for that,” Hope mutters into the empty room.

 

 

 

Josie and Penelope are getting ready for bed later that night in awkward silence. With the threat of the troll gone, all the things they had talked about seemed to have swollen up thick between them. Josie still didn’t want to start acting like they were anything other than enemies anyway. A couple of spells together didn’t make up for all the stunts Penelope pulled. Not to mention they never would have been in that mess with the troll in the first place if she hadn’t been determined to use the spell book. It was better to keep walls up.

She plops down on the bed with a sigh to brush out her hair. She can feel the exhaustion from the day in her bones. Penelope is the same, practically falling on to the quilt and stretching her limbs out with a moan. She has the tiniest silky shorts and tank on and Josie can’t help but let her eyes linger on all that exposed skin. She already knows what it feels like under her fingertips, soft and warm. She lies so tempting and close to her she could just reach out and touch.

Penelope turns over, soft and sleepy-eyed and mumbles a goodnight, leaving Josie to try and fall asleep all wound up.

She tucks herself in and starts trying to calm her mind. Time ticks by though and no matter how long she lies there in darkness listening to Penelope’s even breathing, her mind always circles back to what they talked about today, or the feeling of draining the pendant, her mom.  
Eventually she starts to worry all her huffing and puffing will disturb Penelope and she resorts to the floor again, lying flat and invisible next to the bed.

Again, for some reason, it almost helps, and Josie tries to sink into that feeling. She falls into fit full sleep sometime past midnight, uneasy and haunted.

When she wakes it's because she’s jolted out of a nightmare. She’s aware she’s panting and damp skinned, but she can’t shake the terror and the dirt falling on top. Her cheeks are wet and a whimper slips from her lips without her permission as she sits up.

Penelope is kneeling down beside her in seconds.

“Hey hey, Jojo, are you okay?” Her hands hover unsure around Josie for a second, like she’s unsure whether she should touch her or not. She still sounds bleary and confused from sleep until a sob rips from Josie’s throat, then it’s pure worry.  
  
“Jo?”

“I just need-” Josie cries, on the brink of hyperventilating. “I- I can’t breathe.”

“Oh baby,” Penelope whispers, pained. “You’re alright, you’re here with me.”

Penelope rubs her back gently beside her. “In and out nice and slow. You’re safe,” she whispers, trying to stay calm for Josie and keep her voice light. “Come here.”

Josie attempts to focus in on Penelope’s voice and when she opens her arms, Josie crawls into them, hands clutching and digging into soft skin.

“I’m okay. It was just a nightmare,” Josie croaks, trying to reassure herself as well as Penelope.

Penelope winds her arms around her, still rubbing slow circles on her back, and Josie’s heavy breathing gives way to silent tears.

“That’s right. You can cry, sweetheart. Just keep breathing deep for me, okay?”

Josie nods, wet cheeks on Penelope’s bare shoulder.

“Let’s move up to the bed, yeah? So you can lie down and relax.”

Penelope helps her feel her way into bed through the dark, then she’s walking around to her side, flicking the lamp on as she goes.

With the warm glow, Josie can see wide eyes on her, her brow furrowed as she watches and waits for her.

“Could you please-“ Josie wipes her wet cheeks with the back of her hand and swallows her insecurity with a shuddering breath. “Please hold me for just a little bit?”

Penelope makes a sound in the back of her throat and pulls her in right away.

She lays against her chest and tucks her head into the crook of her neck. Every breath she takes to calm herself is full of Penelope, soothing and sweet.

Penelope keeps stroking with arms back around her, moving up to her hair as well and gently tucking it back off her clammy forehead. It's so comforting and nice it almost makes Josie start up crying all over again. It had been too long since someone had touched her so sweetly, had made her feel so taken care of even when she was busy taking care of everyone else.

When Josie has her breathing synced up with the steady rising of Penelope’s chest under her head, she pulls back slightly so she can see her face next to her own on the pillow.

“I’m sorry for waking you up,” she whispers.

“Jo please don’t apologise. And please god don’t thank me either. I never should have gone to sleep when I could tell you were not right,” she sighs, tone laced with quiet anger.

“It's not your problem,” Josie shrugs easily.

“Don’t say that.”

“What _can_ I say?” Josie jokes to break the seriousness.

Shes rewarded with a lazy half-smile, and Penelope’s face softening out with what, even to Josie, looks like relief.

“You don’t have to Jo, but you could start with what the night terror was about? You were doing so well, at least a week without one. It wasn’t the troll was it?”

She shakes her head, “No, not the troll. It was being buried again,” she whispers. “Bio-mom shovelling it on me, and her face rotting in as she goes.”

She takes inhales deeply to keep calm. “And then Lizzie shovels some dirt on, and Dad and my actual Mom. You and Hope are there too sometimes. It feels so real and heavy pressing down on me.”

Penelope sucks in a sharp breath, “Oh.”

“Yeah.”

Her fingers resume carding through her hair, feather light. It makes Josie unwind even more, eyes growing heavy as the exhaustion sinks in.

“The floor?” Penelope hushes after a minute of quiet, almost afraid to ask.

“Sometimes I prefer it when I’m scared to sleep. I don’t know why,” she confesses.

“It’ll be okay. We’ll work on it and you’ll be back to making those cute little faces when you dream like usual.”

Josie laughs through a yawn.

“You watched me sleep, stalker?” Her eyes are already falling shut, sore from crying.

“it’s not my fault you could never make it through movies,” Penelope jokes back.

“Penelope? In the morning this never happened. Go back to getting back at me, or whatever it is you do and I’ll go back to resenting you, okay?” Josie mumbles, garbled with sleep.

It’s better this way.

Not just for her, for Penelope. The last thing she probably wants is Josie thinking that they’re going to go back to being girlfriends just because she had one night being weak.

And she doesn’t need Penelope thinking that, that’s she’s some toy that can be played with so easily.

So she’ll enjoy the feeling of Penelope’s arms encircling her for now but in the morning she _needs_ to hate her.

She doesn’t hear Penelope say anything back and she can’t get her eyes open anyway. She assumes she already fell back asleep and so, she lets herself do the same.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorrrrrryy if you were waiting on this chapter. I'll try and update sooner next time. If anyone is even keeping up with this lol

Shit hits the fan promptly after that. In the morning she leaves Penelope sleeping and gets back to her room to find Lizzie waiting for her, hands on hips and teeth bared.

“So you’ve finally decided to grace me with your presence,” she hisses, eyes red-rimmed.

“Liz…” Josie moves over to her twin but Lizzie holds up a hand to stop her.

“So? Where have you been?!”

She’s so furious she’s starting to raise her voice and Josie hates it. Fighting with Lizzie always made her feel sick, it goes against her entire being. Her whole body feels like it’s seizing up and she has to swallow the thick lump in her throat to answer her.

“I’ve been around, I’ve just been busy- I had detention all yesterday,” she whispers.

“You’re barely here in the nights and when I wake up in the mornings you’re always gone! I even talked to bloody Hope and she admitted you’ve been different!” Lizzie cries out. Josie goes to reply but she thunders, “Don’t lie to me, Josie, I know when you are!”

“I just haven’t been sleeping, okay! I don’t feel like lying in bed so I do homework and stuff,” she defends desperately.

She can’t stand to lie to her like this, especially because she's right, they can feel when the other isn't being honest. The truth could be much worse though. Lizzie will go postal if she finds out she’s been sleeping with the enemy every night.

“God, you’re such a bad fucking liar! Have you been sleeping with Rafael?” She yells with such malice Josie flinches away.

“No! No, you called dibs-”

“Well then why did he ask you out at the last woods party?!”

“I turned him down Liz, for you!”

“I don’t know what to believe! I know you’re not telling the truth, I can feel it in me!”

Josie forces herself to meet her twin's eyes. “What do you want me to say? I haven’t touched Raf and its stupid for us to even fight over a boy like this!”

“You promised! You promised after Hope that you wouldn’t keep stuff from me!” she screams out.

“I promised I wouldn’t do any more black magic without telling you! I don’t have to fill you in on every bit of my time!” Josie yells back.

“MG told me Josie!” She wails, voice getting even higher and more hysterical, “You and Hope and Penelope unleashed some demon troll together!”

Josie doesn’t know what to say to that. Lizzie looks like she’s either going to breakdown or throw something at her in rage.

“I _need_ you Josie! You used to tell me everything, now I have to hear it second-hand from MG, who asked me out by the way!”

“That's great Li-”

“And you would know what if you’d been around at all this week! I needed your advice, _I needed my sister_!” Fat tears start to dribble down her cheeks and it breaks Josie’s heart. She wants to go over the hug her but the venomous look in Lizzie’s eyes keeps her back.

Josie takes a deep breath to try and regain control of the situation. “I never meant to hurt you Lizzie! And I’m sorry I haven’t been around. Hope was really only there to help fix the situation, and Penelope was only there because she had deletion too,” Josie pleads, voice breaking.

“So Penelope has nothing to do with you being gone a lot recently?!”

“I- I may have been sleeping in her bed some nights, just because I can’t sleep otherwise! But we’ve only been sleeping, and I hate it as much as you! I’m sorry, really Liz,” Josie cries and she hates how pathetic her own voice sounds.

Lizzie goes from looking downtrodden to outright appalled at this revelation. She stands there, mouth open, staring at her.

“Please say something,” Josie whines brokenly.

Lizzie looks away from her like she can’t stand the sight of her anymore and more tears keep spilling down her pale cheeks. “You’re unbelievable! Get out! I don’t want to see you right now.”

“No! Please, Lizzie, I’m sorry! I was just so tired.” Josie is crying now too but her sister still won’t look at her even as she begs. “Please, I love you! It was a mistake!”

“If you won’t go, I will. Come back to me when you’re ready to be honest- with me and yourself,” she croaks, half-sobbing and looking completely disgusted with her.

And Josie feels disgusted with herself too. And desperate. She wants to scream for Lizzie to come back, not to leave her, that she’ll do anything.

The door slams behind her and Josie is left all alone.

She stands there, reeling from seeing her twin, her best friend and the person she needed most in the world, look at her so angry and torn up. She lets herself cry for a minute, silent tears streaking down her cheeks as she tucks herself under Lizzie’s duvet. It smells like her, a mixture of them both really, with Lizzie slightly more like strawberries because of her shampoo. It makes her cry harder. She can literally feel her own heartache.

But at the end of the day, the still knows Lizzie best of all. She picks herself when she’s done crying and goes in search of her Dad.

 

She finds him with Hope, of course. They’re training martial arts style and Josie listens for a second to their easy banter, the kind of joking she and Lizzie never quite managed as his daughters. Hope was allowed to be friends with him, they were just meant to listen and obey.

“Dad,” Josie clears her scratchy throat to interrupt. “Lizzie needs you.”

He stops and scrubs a hand over his face. “What happened?”

“She’ll tell you, it’s probably going to be messy,” she answers quietly.

He jogs off right away, leaving her under Hope’s questioning stare.

“Pick up a stick, Josie,” Hope nods pointedly to the large bamboo batons she’d seen them train with before, eyes narrowed.

She picks one up and Hope raises hers at her. Josie tries to mirror her stance, legs wide, baton ready to guard her face.

“Just block for now,” Hope instructs, firm and mysterious.

Then she takes a swing, slow and obvious so Josie reacts automatically. “Why have you been crying?”

“I’m the one who upset Lizzie,” Josie confesses, flinching slightly at another clash of the bamboo.

“What’d you do this time?”

“She found out about the troll and then about me sleeping in Penelope’s bed,” Josie grunts through the increasingly hard wacks Hope is throwing her way.

“I knew it! Widen your stance and keep your wrists loose,” Hope bosses.

Josie follows her direction. “How _did_ you know?”

Hope keeps attacking, “Penelope and I talk,” she says lightly, barely even breaking a sweat.

“ _Penelope_ told you that,” Josie says doubtfully. Penelope was private. Girl talk was limited- unless you were her.

“I pieced it together," Hope smirks. "Anyway, you’re allowed to do that. Lizzie doesn’t control you.”

“She’s mad that I lied,” Josie pants. Hope really has her working, feet moving back and across the dock.

“Yeah well, if she didn’t react so badly, you wouldn’t need to lie. Besides we both know she would have been angry about it, lying or no,” she huffs. “You attack now.”

Josie takes a tentative swing at Hope, scared of hurting her, but then she blocks so strong and lightning fast, she gives her next hit a bit of force.

“That's no excuse.”

“I think it is. You’re too hard on yourself, and Lizzie is too hard on you as well. You can’t stay in her shadow forever.”

Josie swings hard then and the following crack of  the bamboo is satisfying. “I don’t recall asking for advice, Hope," she retorts through clenched teeth.

“That's okay, free of charge,” she snarks, ducking the next blow. “And why is it that Lizzie gets your dad to take care of her and not you? You’re upset too.”

“You of all people should be well aware of the pecking order. It goes you first, then Lizzie and then maybe they’ll be some of my dad left... if I’m lucky.”

“Wow, didn’t know you were so bitter.” Hope has a wicked half smirk and Josie realises she was being baited.

Hope expertly switches into attacking so that they are trading hits, hard and sharp. “What are you going to do about it then?”

“Maybe I’ll just have to get him to train me too. Then next time I can kick your ass,” she pokes her tongue out.

“You should, you’re a natural, Saltzman,” Hope tells her sincerely.

Josie rolls her eyes but she can’t resist smiling, a little proud of herself.

“But about Penelope,” Hope sighs and brings her baton down hard. “Don’t forget she’s still human, Jose. Well, besides the witch parts.”

“Really? You don’t need to tell me that. She’s my ex, remember? I know what she’s really like.” And underneath all the cockiness and hot evil witch stuff, she was a sweetheart. Josie was sure she was still the only one to have seen her cry, see her giggle and squirm when she pressed little kisses against bare skin. The only one to have seen her worry or get insecure because of her parents.

Penelope Park used to _adore her_. Operative word being used to.

“Good. Then you don’t need me to tell you that she’s not the enemy here.”

Josie frowns at that and side steps Hope’s baton slicing through the air.

She didn’t understand. Didn’t understand why Hope cared either. Her whole thing loner thing was based around not caring.

“You know Hope, we should hang out more. You’re not fooling me, you’re a big softie.”

Hope drops her stance and groans dramatically. “That’s what you’re taking away from this? We’re meant to be working on you!”

“What?! I thought I was helping you train?” Josie says, incredulous.

Hope swivels rapidly and Josie suddenly finds herself up against Hope’s front, baton at her neck and at her mercy.

“If we were training I would have had you on your back ages ago!” She groans and releases her, tossing her baton aside just as fast as she got it there.

“Oh.”

“Come on loser, let's watch a rom-com and eat our feelings in ice-cream. That might be might be more up your alley.”

 

 

Josie feels better after taking out her frustrations with Hope. Even better still when they’ve polished off a full pint and are rolling around on the floor laughing and complaining about their belly aches. The knowledge that she and Lizzie are still fighting is still gnawing at her, and she has to resist the urge to run and find her sister and plead for forgiveness. But being with Hope makes her feel less lonely, distracted.

She trails back to Penelope’s room with instruction to go straight there and leave Lizzie be for the night. There was no need to lie awake in her own bed waiting for her twin to go to sleep so she could sneak out now anyway.

Penelope's already in her half of the bed, stoney and cold. She can feel it in the room and it makes her smile fade as soon as she walks in.

Penelope doesn’t even bother to acknowledge her when she steals more of her pyjamas, or when she climbs in next to her. She basically ignores Josie, hyper-focused on whoever she is texting on her phone.

They don’t touch once, shoulders not even brushing as they settle in. Josie fades in and out of sleep that night.

 

  
Penelope’s gone already when she wakes up for the new school week, no note and no trace of her. When she gets to her first class, that's when she starts to hear the rumblings.

Girls whispering in the hallway about stocking up on alcohol. Folded notes being passed in class with little moons drawn on them. She watches Penelope in science class lean over and tuck some of Amber Cunningham’s silk hair behind her ear, then whisper to her, smirk firmly in place. Amber, a notorious gossip, curls her mouth up in response to whatever she’s hearing.

Penelope looks over to her and winks like see knew Josie had been watching her the whole time.

Her suspicions are confirmed when she meets Hope for lunch. A full moon party tonight in the woods. Everyone’s invited of course, but with the wolves being kept in chains and the promise of the power of a full moon, its really mostly the witches who are getting especially excited.

Her first thought is to find Lizzie, see if she wants to go, plan who's going to wear what dress from their practically joint wardrobe. But then she remembers the hurt look on her face and she feels sick and twisted up all over again. She throws away her lunch without touching it.

Its Hope who drags her along that night so she won’t sit in her room and wallow. She nags Josie into a little black skirt and a shimmery top. She cradles her face with one hand while she applies berry lipstick with the other. Its been so long since someone had been so gentle touching her like that, she almost starts crying all over again.

The party feels almost… exclusive. None of the pack are there and only half of the vampires. The popular ones, the ones who never miss a party. The witches have the run of the show and they’re making the most of it, using magic for every little thing. Everyone’s gathered around a bonfire laughing and drinking.

Josie grabs Hope’s arm to stop them before they get there, “Wait, did we even get invited?”

Hope rolls her eyes. “You’re Josie Saltzman, widely beloved, and I’m Hope Mikaelson, widely hated. We don’t need invites.”

Penelope sits across from them, lit up from the glow of the fire and nestled in-between Amber and some of her other blonde minions. She has her hair up, leaving her neck long and bare against her pretty dress. Her eyes rake over Josie as she sits down in a way that leaves her feeling exposed. After that, she barely acknowledges her for the rest of the night.

Lizzie is not there.

Josie grabs a strong drink.

And then another.

She relaxes into it eventually and the moon rises high into the sky above them. As they draw closer to midnight, the party is in full swing. Amber shoots sparks into the sky to make an announcement and everyone gathers back around, the laughter and music dying down. 

“Just like the wolves have to be chained, and the vampires have to deny their dark nature, us witches are limited by the weak magic taught at this school. So tonight we wanna do some chain magic.” She says it with a wink, confident and sexy in all the ways Josie is not. “Some of us have spells from our covens and we thought we might have a little fun under the moon!” The boys cheer at this and rest of the girls, giggle and start to get ready.

Josie looks over to Hope who gives her a look like she can’t believe these idiots are dumb enough organise this.

She knows better though, Amber and her clones didn’t come up with this idea, Penelope did.

She looks wholly delighted with herself too when all the witches, bar Josie and Hope, get into a circle and link hands.

They sip their drinks off to the side, watching, and Amber starts off the circle with the worst studying enchantment Josie’s ever heard. Hope almost chokes on her drink she starts laughing so hard. After that, Kaleb gets control of the aux cord and starts playing some decent music. Hope and her tune out the witches, chatting and playing beer pong with MG and the other vamps instead.

Hope cuts her off when MG brings up Lizzie, asking where she is and Josie starts to get emotional.

“Time to get you home Jose, I’ve let this go on for long enough,” Hope sighs and slings an around Josie’s waist to drag her away from the partying vampires. They were hard to keep up with; vampires were always the species best at handling their liquor. 

"Hope, no sleep yet, I need to fix things with Lizzie," Josie grumbles miserably.

"Not tonight. It's been a long day, sleep will do you good."

Josie's knows she's scared to sleep again, hence the alcohol. It's making her drowsy and she prays it'll help her slip in sleep quickly. Given the things Lizzie said to her, she can only imagine how long it would take her to fall asleep otherwise.

Hope starts to lead them away. They pass the circle of chanting witches and Amber sticks her purse out for Josie to trip. She stumbles and almost knocks over a few candles, her ears are ringing and everything feeling unreal. Penelope automatically gets up to help her alongside Hope until Amber interrupts the spell casting.

“Leave her Penelope. She’s a weak siphoner anyway, a leech,” Amber jeers and tosses blonde hair over her shoulder. The rest of the witches fall silent, shocked at the insult. Everything they were taught at school was equality and tolerance. Some witches still knew that siphoners used to be considered an abomination by their own covens. It was a sore spot for Josie. 

Josie almost can't compute it, she's had too much to drink. She supposes Amber's got a point. She even needs to leech her ex's bed. She can feel her eyes prick at the humiliation. 

Hope’s arm tightens around Josie and she stares at Penelope like she’s waiting for her to say something.

Penelope clenches her jaw. There’s fire in her eyes, directed at Amber first but then after a minute of silence, at her. Josie looks away. It’s too much.

“Don’t put her in my bed tonight, Hope,” Penelope spits.

Josie feels it slice right through her, stinging far more than what Amber had said. It takes her breath away and she becomes the one tugging on Hope's waist to get out of there as soon as possible.

Josie doesn’t see Hope’s face but she hears her sigh and then snarl, “Get the fuck out of the way Amber. And get a goddamn personality while you’re at it!”


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all your lovely comments and kudos !! I really love hearing what you all think and what’s coming across and what’s not! 
> 
> Josie is starting to make some progress here... I think lol 
> 
> What do you guys think?

She wakes up in her own bed from a pounding at the door to match the pounding in her head. She was right about the drinking, she did slip into feverish sleep quickly, but her dreams were dark and twisted and she couldn’t drag herself from them properly because of the alcohol. Now she’s sweat soaked and her stomach won’t stop churning.

She does remember Hope’s fingertips brushing at her damp cheeks when she was tucking her in last night, gently wiping away tears that wouldn’t stop. Her shushing her and promising to talk to Penelope for her. What she would say Josie had no idea.

She sighs and rubs the sleep from her eyes. She has got to stop getting drunk like that.

Lizzie shoots awake too from more knocking at the door, groaning and swearing as she does. “Who is it?!”

“It’s Raf! I want to talk to you!”

Lizzie gives a little squeal at that and starts fussing over her bed hair. She all but leaps out of bed to rush to the door.

“Raf! It’s so early, what are you doing here?” She’s giving him her best flirty eyes and smile. Josie rolls back over to snatch some more sleep.

“I needed to see you Liz, needed to see you so bad. I’ve been thinking about you all night,” he practically moans and Josie can only imagine how delighted her twin will be.

“You’ve been thinking about me at night?” she checks lowly, cocking her hip.

“Lizzie!” Jed pushes his way past to bang at the door too. “Lizzie will you please go out with me? I want to take you,” he insists, still elbowing Raf from the doorframe.

Josie sits back up in bed at this and her head swims from her hangover. It’s not that she thinks boys shouldn’t be asking her sister out- yes they fought, but she was still a wonderful person, and so beautiful, she deserved any boy she wanted. But both these boys seemed to have woken up and out of the blue, decided they desperately needed Lizzie.

“Back off Jed! Lizzie is mine!” Rafael jeers, shoving his pack member hard.

“Fuck off! Lizzie wants to go out with me!” Rad looks like he’ll swing at any moment.

Josie slaps her hand against the wall next to her bed frame and feels the steadying warmth as she pulls magic. 

She blasts them with migraines, short and sharp to stop the bickering. “Cut it out! My sister is not property, she belongs to neither of you.” She barks and trembles a bit from using magic so hungover. After they’re done groaning and clutching their heads, both boys turn to look at her like they only just noticed she was there.

Lizzie whips around to her, eyes narrowed. “Back off Josie,” she scowls. It's the first words she's spoken to her since the fight.

She quickly turns back to the boys with a sweet smile. “How about I see both you boys at breakfast?”

They both nod and grin idiotically, trailing away like puppies. Lizzie sighs happily and then she focuses back in on Josie.

She shrinks back and croaks, “Lizzie I’m sorry, please don’t hate me anymore.”

Lizzie chews her lip and looks at her warily. “Did you go to the party last night?”

“Yeah, it was shit.”

Lizzie nods jerkily and thinks for a minute, “I just need more time Josie. You know lies make me freak out. It messes with my head, makes me think everyone is conspiring against me.” She says it evenly and with measured breaths, like she’d been rehearsing it with Dad in one of their calming sessions. Josie’s glad she went to him yesterday, it sounds as if he’d managed to talk her around a bit.

“I know, I can wait. I’m sorry.”

Lizzie starts putting makeup on at their dresser, getting ready to meet the boys in the dining hall. Josie really felt for Lizzie, she couldn’t compartmentalise and tamper down her emotions as she could. They ran away with her. It was one of the things she loved about her sister, that she was free like that. Whereas Josie, as Penelope had put it, judged and censored everything she felt. She would work on it though, starting with being fully honest with Lizzie.

“I went with Hope to the party, by the way. And Liz, she’s stuck up for me. I wouldn’t have been okay without her.”

She probably would have cried on the spot if Hope hadn’t told Amber to shove it. God knows if she would have even made it back to the dorms. Penelope siding with Amber hurt like crazy, especially seen as Josie knew she didn’t even really care for Amber in the first place. She didn’t feel entitled to be upset though, she was the one who had said sharing a bed shouldn’t change anything. She just didn’t expect Penelope to be so harsh in front of everyone.

Lizzie looks like she’s going to react angrily out of pure shock for a second. But she composes herself and looks Josie in the eyes.

“Well, I’m glad you did go with her then,” she gives her the barest hint of upturned lips and Josie knows instantly its all going to be okay with them.

Josie heaves a relieved breath and smiles back. “Hey, did you tell Dad about…?” Josie fumbles awkwardly, hoping her sister catches on.

“About you creeping into your ex’s bed after lights out?” Lizzie supplies for her and Josie nods.

“No, he’s still in the dark,” she mumbles, straightening her school tie in the mirror.

 

She finally has her appointment with Emma today. She’d waited over a week for a free slot, and now she was going to be spending all of 4th period talking about her feelings.  
Emma is gentle with her. She invites her in with a warm smile and creates silence for Josie to start where she wants.

She tries to relax against all the throw pillows Emma has on her couch but she somehow just feels more uncomfortable. She sighs decides to start at the beginning.

“Ever since that night of my birthday, when the knife brought back my bio-mom, I’ve had trouble sleeping,” Josie breathes out and bites her lip.

Emma nods encouragingly for her to continue.

“I have trouble falling asleep, or sometimes nightmares about being buried when things are worse. The only thing that's really helped has been sleeping in my ex’s bed. Sometimes I get sleep on the floor.” She stops there and gauges Emma’s reaction.

Her face stays completely passive and she calmly points out, “Often when we have trouble falling asleep, or restless sleep, it is a symptom of a greater problem that is not being addressed.”

“That uh- that makes sense.”

“Why do you think your biological mom has been repeatedly burying you in your night terrors?”

“I don’t know. I do think I have trouble falling asleep because I’m scared of dreaming when I do. It’s not always bio-mom shovelling dirt on me. Sometimes my real mom is there, and Dad and Lizzie and Penelope.”

“All people you love or have strong connections with,” Emma confirms.

“Had. With Penelope.”

“Okay,” she pauses. “Josie, for as long as I’ve known you, you have always done your utmost to please the people you love,” Emma smiles tentatively.

“Yeah, I care too much.”

“Yes. Which is not necessarily a bad thing, but it can make life more difficult when we don’t have balance.”

Josie nods, following along. She’d heard it before, she needs to take care of herself too.

"Sometimes, when we fear abandonment or rejection, we end up compensating by striving to constantly please people so they won't leave us,” Emma explains gently. "Have you ever considered that perhaps these dreams might be a manifestation of a fear of abandonment?

It hits Josie like a punch to the stomach. She sits there with her brain scrambling and her mouth open.

“That sounds… exactly like me,” Josie eventually croaks, trying not to let her eyes sting.

“It’s okay Josie. It’s not uncommon at all. With your Mom constantly travelling and Lizzie’s behaviour, it's understandable that you have anxieties about being left by the ones you love.”

“Yeah- yes, that’s exactly how it is in my dreams. I get so scared and sick feeling, I start to feel this overwhelming need to have those people near me but instead they’re burying me with dirt…”

“I can imagine how distressing that would be.”

“Yeah," Josie gathers herself and Emma watches her patiently. "And I had a terrible fight with Lizzie when she found out I’d been sleeping in Penelope’s bed,” she confesses.

“And how did that make you feel?”

“Again, desperate and sick. I wanted to beg her not to fight with me… not to leave me,” Josie sniffs.

“Logically, Lizzie, your dad and the people in your life, they love you. Just because you have a disagreement or they have an issue with some of your choices doesn’t mean they’ll stop loving you. It might take some communication and time but they won’t leave you permanently.”

A couple of tears dribble down Josie’s cheeks now and she quickly brushes them off her face. It was like Emma had ripped her deepest fears out from her and was soothing them over with her soft British accent. What she was saying was logical but to Josie, it was a revelation.

“What about sleeping in Penelope’s bed, or on the floor? I can’t do that forever. I feel like I’ve already outstayed my welcome in her bed but I want to sleep.”

After the way Penelope had looked at her last night, the way she had spat for Hope to leave her out of her bed, it gave her the same feeling as fighting with Lizzie. Except she didn’t feel as if she was entitled to be upset about it. They weren’t even together and she was the one who had insisted, half garbled with sleep, they go back to hating each other.

“Of course, Josie, but I can hear the guilt in your tone and I want you to know that I may be a teacher but there is no judgement here on my part. And you shouldn’t judge yourself either.” Emma thinks for a second, “Officially, I am meant to discourage students from leaving their beds after lights out, but you can make your own decisions. I really I think you could benefit from doing something for yourself. And you should communicate with Penelope, I'm sure she would tell you if you’d outstayed your welcome,” she finishes, sure and understanding.

Josie nods jerkily and sniffs. It was everything she needed to hear and everything she already knew deep down. Penelope was always the one telling her to go after what she wanted, to be selfish. Josie would only need to talk to her and she would be straight up with her.

“I’ll think about it.”

“That’s the first step. You’re a good person Josie, you don’t need to punish yourself by sleeping on the floor. Take back control and speak up for yourself! We don’t want you to get buried in real life too,” Emma murmurs, smiling sympathetically.

“I want to. I’m going to try and go easier on myself.”

“You deserve that much, Josie.”

She leaves Emma’s office with tear tracks on her face and another appointment for next week. She’d ended up in there for well over an hour and classes were almost finished. But she felt lighter as if she had more direction and wasn’t just bumbling about not knowing how to make things better.

Josie is exhausted, as if her head has just been probed, and she desperately wants to lie down, but first she needs to take some of Emma’s advice and find Penelope.

She waits till its dinner time and then goes looking for her in the dining hall. Penelope’s not hard to find of course, they’d always been annoyingly drawn to each other. They could be lost in a thick crowd and still be able to find Penelope within a matter of minutes if she just followed her instincts.

She’s eating with a few girls from the bonfire, not Amber thankfully, but she’s sitting back watching them giggle and gossip. Josie trudges over with her tray of lasagne.

Everyone ignores her hovering until she speaks up. “Penelope, could I please talk to you?” She asks, trying to sound more confident than she is.

The other witches at the table fall silent, all staring at her.

She must look a mess, eyes red-rimmed and uniform crinkled because Penelope takes pity on her and commands the girls to leave. A few of them look like they might argue, even though they’ve finished eating but Penelope forces smile and tells them she just needs a minute.

They leave glaring. She’d almost forgotten her ex had people under her finger like that.

“What do you want?”

She’s cold again, but not mean. She keeps her face unnaturally relaxed and Josie knows its so she can’t read her.

“Last night you didn’t want me in your bed,” Josie states matter of fact.

“So?”

“ _So_ , I had a lot of nightmares.”

Penelope breaks their eye contact at that, pursing her lips and looking at her lap.

“I was wondering if I may please still sleep there?” Josie asks as nicely as she can despite the amount of tension and slight hostility radiating off Penelope. “I had a really intense therapy with Emma and I’m crazy tired... but it’s your bed of course.”

Penelope lets out a low breath. She looks back into Josie’s eyes and her answer is far softer despite herself. “Yes! Yes, that’s fine, I’ll see you there.”

She bolts after that to Josie’s surprise, usual she lingered and teased. She texts Hope to come meet her for dinner so she doesn’t have to eat alone.

Josie stops by her room to get ready for bed and see Lizzie but she’s preoccupied with guests, 3 of them all clamouring for her attention. Raf, MG and Kaleb are all sat around her hanging on her every word and Josie can barely get a goodnight in.

Lizzie does give her a quick smile before she leaves, even though she knows that she’s going to Penelope’s room. Josie grins back. The onslaught of attention from boys is strange, but Lizzie’s seems happy and it means she’s not still holding onto their fight.

When she walks into Penelope’s room it’s just as she always likes it. Soft lighting and it smells good, like Penelope and her vanilla scented candles. She looks up when Josie cracks the door open, lying in bed reading with a messy bun and a cup of tea, as per usual. Everything about it is relaxing and comforting.

Penelope reaches over to draw the covers back on Josie’s side of the bed and wordlessly pats the space left for her in welcome.

“Hey,” Josie whispers, diving in and melting against the soft sheets.

“Hi,” Penelope mutters back not looking up from her book.

Josie gets comfy and moans happily at how good it feels to be back in her favourite bed. She can’t keep her eyes open any longer and falls asleep without even thinking about it. She almost hears Penelope whisper a soft goodnight, but she’s too far gone to question whether it really happened or if it was just her imagination.


End file.
